Wanted Man
by BigUnknownKingdom
Summary: A terrible accident at the start of the turn has left a family separated. Unable to recall her life before, Michonne navigates the dangers of this new world with new friends, while being haunted by dreams of a familiar stranger. Meanwhile, Rick must face the harsh realities of the apocalypse. (zombie AU)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a new story I've been thinking about with the amnesia trope in play. It's probably overplayed, but I wanted to try my hand at it and see how Richonne would do under such circumstances. I'm still figuring out how I want to tell it, so please bear with me as I work with the storytelling. Please leave a review and tell me what you think! Thank you!**

* * *

 ** _Where are you?_**

 _His pink lips moved slow along her dark skin. It always started slow. A chaste, teasing kiss to awaken the senses and whet her appetite while calloused hands gently caressed her body._

 _She grew hot under him, shifting impatiently as he took his time. He paid careful attention to her neck as she moaned beneath him. She ran her fingers through his soft curls, loving how he murmured sweet nothings into her ear._

 _They were on the couch this time, in front of a dying fire, wine forgotten on the table as they became consumed with each other. Every nerve in her body tingled with excitement as his fingers traced circles on her skin, making their way under her skirt towards her core. She shifted and felt his erection pressed intimately against her thigh, his breathing quickening as he moved closer._

 _Their eyes met and she could not breathe. Those startling blue eyes, filled with love... filled with lust..._

 _Filled with pain..._

 _"Where are you?" He asked once again in that beautiful southern twang. Her heart raced._

 _Familiar, yet the name still escaped her..._

 _"I don't know."_

 _He cupped her face tenderly. "Hi," he uttered and she trembled. She tried to say his name and he leaned in hopefully, as if knowing how much pain it caused her... as if he knew she was trying her hardest to remember..._

 _"Who are you?" She replied._

A sudden shock of pain down her spine woke Michonne from her dream. She shoved a fist in her mouth to stifle the tears as she rolled on her side, still struggling to breathe.

After a few moments she listened, assured that the child next to her was still asleep before carefully getting out of bed, slipping into her boots, and leaving the tent.

The cool night air struck her clammy face mercifully, offering relief as she inhaled deeply and scanned her surroundings. A couple of patrols filtered in and out of her sight, walking along the chain link fence with makeshift weapons. She hated this place.

 _ **Where are you?**_

Closing her eyes, Michonne wished she could remember his name.

"Mom?"

She glanced back to see Andre holding a bottle.

"Yeah, baby?"

"Judith's coughing again," he whispered worriedly and Michonne hurried over, disappearing into the tent with her son to tend to her daughter. The blue eyed man temporarily forgotten.

* * *

"Are we going to kiddy tent today?"

Nodding, Michonne pulled a clean sweater over Andre's little head as Judith coughed beside her.

"Does your throat still hurt?" Judith nodded and Michonne moved around to pour the remaining hot water and lemon from her little mobile kettle into a warmed bottle with some honey. It was the best she could do under the circumstances and after testing the bottle to make sure it would not scald the baby's mouth, she handed it to Judith. "Here baby. Drink slowly." Judith's face scrunched up in disgust and Michonne sighed. "I know it's gross, but it'll help."

"Michonne?"

She looked up from getting Judith's shoes to see her friend Sasha Williams tentatively enter their small tent, carrying a couple of water bottles and a large rifle on her back.

"Hi Auntie Sasha," Andre greeted as she sat down next to him and handed him a bottle of water.

"Hey," she kissed his temple before turning to Michonne. "Hey Judes, how's she feeling?"

"She still has a cough," Michonne muttered, leaning over so that only Sasha could hear. "I think it's getting worse."

"I stopped by the medical tent this morning and this was all they would give anyone," Sasha held up the water. "Ryan snuck you those lemons, but I think he was right they've run out of supplies..."

"Not even the soldiers?" Michonne muttered ruefully as she zipped up the little girl's jacket.

"Derek's banned civilians from crossing over to their side of the camp. He's still trying to play tough with them and it's getting bad."

Michonne frowned. "The soldiers aren't causing problems are they?"

Sasha shook her head, taking Judith from Michonne while the woman finished getting ready for the day. "Not all of them. They're mostly sticking to their side of the camp, but the general's been ordering the patrols around and Derek's trying to hide how bad things are. You know how he is with anyone questioning his authority."

Michonne snorted. Of course she did. That was how she ended up in a tent on the outskirts of the camp despite having two young children with her. Derek Winston was a poor excuse of a man who managed to become the leader of the camp at the most opportunistic and dire moment. It wasn't until recently that others began to question him and his response to it ranged from petty to violent. Supplies had gone missing from various tents and his goons, several young men who showed up with him after the turn, were found to be hoarding alcohol and rations. Tensions had reached a fever pitch when the platoon arrived a couple of days ago. The only reason she stayed was because Derek was her only official connection to the first camp she woke up in. He had records from how she had been found that he refused to release, so she remained in the camp for as long as possible. Holding out hope that she would be found.

"How are the fences looking?"

Sasha's eyes darkened. "Bad. I got Abe to help me reinforce certain parts this morning, but if Derek keeps ignoring the problem we could be in trouble."

"Abe?"

Michonne saw the faint blush on her friend's cheeks and could not help but smile. They had only know each other for seven months but as close as they had gotten since Michonne was found, it was rare to see Sasha that way. She looked giddy.

"Sergeant Ford, I mean," the woman corrected as she shifted Judith around in her arms. She caught the sly grin on Michonne's face and sat up straighter. "It's not like that Michonne. He's just one of the soldiers that's been helpful."

"How helpful?"

Sasha playfully hit Michonne's leg as she came over to collect her sword and Judith. Andre hopped off of his cot and they left the tent.

"What about you? Ryan's been helping you out a lot lately. Still trying to woo you I think."

Michonne sighed at the thought of Ryan Demont.

Her introduction to the new world involved waking up in a medical tent in the midst of a chaotic military camp. She had no recollection of what happened prior but the nurse informed her she had been found unconscious in an overturned vehicle with Andre and Judith surprisingly alive in the back. They had been rescued and taken to the camp where she recovered in the days leading up to the bombing of Atlanta. Her driver's license informed them of who she was. Andre and Judith's pleas for their mother informed her of the possible life she had, but she failed to remember prior to the sudden evacuation. The nurse was hesitant to release Judith into her custody, but a loose walker and a quick save by Sasha and Tyrese Williams left Michonne Thomas with two children and no memory.

It was not until they had arrived at their current camp, four months after the rise of the dead, that the strange dreams began plaguing Michonne.

It did not help that Ryant, a very attractive firefighter who arrived with the Williams' had begun to show an interest in her just as she was having explicit dreams about a stranger with blue eyes, curly brown hair, and an affable son, both of whom seemed to capture her heart in mere moments.

"I had another dream last night," she admitted quietly as they walked towards the middle of the camp where the children were kept during the day.

"With the cowboy?" Sasha asked and Michonne nodded. "Still?"

"You thought they would stop?"

Sasha shrugged. "Kind of, yes... after that trip to King County, I thought it would either jog your memory or put it to bed."

Michonne snorted. "You're not a very good doctor."

"I know, I just thought... well, I don't honestly know what I expected to happen when we went down there, even after finding the house burned, maybe something would change... maybe the location would jog your memory."

Michonne felt her cheeks warm. "Something did change..."

Frowning, Sasha glanced over at her friend. "What? Was the boy missing? Did cowboy say something helpful?"

"Not exactly."

"Then what?" Despite Michonne's dark skin, Sasha could tell that she was blushing and she tilted her head to catch Michonne's eyes. "What happened?"

"He and I... we became intimate."

"A sex dream?"

Michonne motioned to Andre and Judith. "Sasha."

Sasha placed her hands over Andre's ears. "Broad stroke it for me, Michonne."

Sensing her friend's determination to get details, Michonne quickly relented, herself eager to share what she had experienced. Her past dreams of the man had been incredibly tame, sometimes featuring a young man who resembled the affectionately named Cowboy. Last night, after returning from King County, something had changed.

"We were on the couch."

"And?"

"Sasha."

"Sorry... continue." Sasha grabbed Andre's hand before the boy could veer off in the opposite direction and they continued on their way.

"We were... making out... it was so vivid... and then he asked me where I was."

"Again?" Sasha watched her friend for a moment before shifting her rifle on her shoulders and nudged her. "You think he's still alive?"

Michonne's heart clenched painfully. Somewhere deep down, she knew it wasn't true, but she had to be realistic about her abnormal situation.

"It doesn't matter, does it?" She hoisted Judith up on her hip and kissed her temple. "You saw the house just like I did... that whole town was abandoned."

"That doesn't mean he's dead."

"I know... but I can't even remember his name." Michonne could still smell the burnt wood of what remained of the house they had tracked down in King County. It had been devastating to find the last shred of evidence she had to her past in a pile of smoldering rubble. To admit defeat, in light of the new dreams, was almost impossible but she also needed robbery practical. She could not spend the end of the world chasing ghosts, no matter how attractive. Judith coughed and shifted in her arms with discomfort, causing Michonne's heart to skip a beat and her pace to quicken. "All that matters is keeping them alive."

Sasha noticed the telltale resolution in her friend's gorgeous brown eyes and knew the conversation was over. It was clear that their discovery in King County bothered Michonne, but it did them no good to continue at the present time. It seemed other, more present matters were brewing.

As they approached the medical tent, more soldiers appeared in the area, running around and barking out orders.

"What the hell is going on in there?"

Sasha's eyes narrowed. "Even with the soldiers, we can't stay much longer, Michonne... this won't end well."

"Sasha!"

They turned to see Tyrese and Ryan approaching swiftly. Michonne caught the urgency on their faces and pulled the kids closer to her.

"Sasha, lets go," Tyrese urged as he scooped up Andre in his arms. "We need to go."

"Wait, what's going on? What's happening?" Michonne demanded.

Ryan motioned behind him. "A herds coming! This camp's about to get overrun."

"But the alarm wasn't sounded," Sasha gasped and Ryan shook his head.

"Winston's men turned tail. They abandoned the watch tower. We didn't see them until a couple of minutes ago."

"Can't the soldiers fight them? Shoot them down with all of those guns?"

"Sasha!" Tyrese pleaded. "We need to go!"

"No!" She protested as the camp quickly rumbled into a chaotic hive of scrambling soldiers and panicking civilians. Sasha ignored it to grab Ryan's arm. "Where's Abraham?"

"He went-"

Just then an intercom screeched on and they turned to see Abraham Ford standing on a large National Guard cargo truck towards the other side of the camp.

"Everyone we gotta fuckton of pants shitters heading this way!" His voice blared, bringing many out of their small tents. "Head to the southern fence now and run or prepared to be walker food!"

"Abraham!" Sasha yelled as they headed towards him, pushing through the panicked crowd heading for the fence. Abraham was trying to help people onto the truck and a waiting school bus but it was clear he was alone in the endeavor. "What happened? Where are the others?"

He motioned behind him. "The soldiers bailed when they saw the herd. Most of the guns are gone and in less than ten minutes that fence is gonna come down. We need to go now or we ain't gonna make it. Please."

"Sasha, let's go!" Michonne called as Ryan began helping Abraham load people onto the bus. "Sasha!"

"Mommy!" Andre cried, pointing towards the fence in terror. They all turned to see a large swarm of walkers piling against the chain link, straining the metal and creating panic as civilians began to take notice.

"Oh my God!" Someone shrieked just as the fence snapped and a horde of walkers washed over the frenzied camp.

"Run!"

"On the truck!" Tyrese yelled, pulling his sister up beside him as Michonne handed Judith to Abraham before she and Ryan also climbed into the cab of the truck with the sergeant.

"Go! Go! Go!" Sasha screamed as she helped another panicked civilian into the cargo bed. "Abraham!"

The massive vehicle groaned to life as the bus next to them took off through the far gate, following after a couple of motorcycles and cars.

"Wait! Wait for me!" Derek begged as he scrambled past a few slower folks, shoving a child to the side as he tried to reach the truck! "Please! Wait!"

"No!" A woman shrieked, grabbing his arm as she was snatched by a walker and bitten in the arm. "No!"

"Let go!" Derek spat, kicking her away. "Let go of me!"

"Derek!" Michonne yelled in warning right before another walker lunged at him, gnashing successfully at his neck and pulling him to the asphalt in a heap of howling blood and flesh.

The shattering wails of those consumed under the wave of undead caused many to look away and weep while Michonne could not help but watch as the camp she detested was consumed.

"It's gone..."

* * *

"Hey Grimes! What's the deal?"

Rick glanced behind him in annoyance at the small group of survivors he had found himself leading. The man who had spoken, the unpleasant husband of a woman he had become friends with, was hanging on the broken perimeter of the decimated camp they had come across. The others glanced around nervously, weapons out and children shielded as they huddled together. They were justifiably upset, as Rick had taken them drastically off course, but his frustration with their complaints and his devastation at what they had just discovered were quickly dissolving whatever control he had over his rage.

In the corner of his eye, he saw Shane and Glenn return from the other side of the camp, looking disappointed. Shane carefully shook his head and Rick's mind began to race.

"The camp's overrun!"

As Shane came to stand by his friend, he glared at Ed Pelletier while fiddling with the gun in his hand.

"Thanks, asshole, we hadn't noticed," he growled under his breath and Rick turned back to the strewn entrails, abandoned tents, and battered, empty crates. It was clear from the damage that whatever had occurred and whatever had done it, it was long gone.

"Rick, Glenn and I did a sweep of the place already," Shane whispered so only Rick could hear. "This place has been picked apart by scavengers, there's nothing left but bodies and debris."

"And you didn't see-"

"No," Shane snapped quickly, keeping an eye on the anxious crowd that Glenn was addressing. "But look at the place. No body doesn't mean-"

"Don't say it," Rick pleaded, catching sight of Carl hurrying over to them. His chest felt heavy and a throbbing pain emerged on his temple. He could barely think straight. "Don't you fucking say it."

The tone in his voice was one Shane had become accustomed to over the past couple of months. Hopes had been high between the two of them that this would be the place, and it seemed until a month or two ago, it might have been. But this had been their last chance to track her down. Now, it was the end of the road...

"Grimes, this place is abandoned and we shouldn't stay here!"

Shane's body tensed next to Rick. "Ed, why don't you do everyone a favor a shut the fuck up?"

"Shane," Rick muttered while several in the group gasped and shuffled at Shane's harsh words. There was a moment of silence as Rick slowly digested the truth he was faced with. "We could track the trail."

"Rick," Shane snapped. "Man, I loved Michonne as much as anyone but you cannot be serious. There's no trail to track."

"Shane I can't just-"

"Give up," Shane finished, shocking his friend into silence. The look on Rick's face forced Shane to adjust his tactic, but only slightly.

"Look, man, I couldn't possibly understand what you're going through and I get that... it ain't just your wife you lost, it's Judith and Andre... and they're gone." Shane looked around the camp. "Maybe they were here... maybe they never got out of the first camp and someone misreported the name... Whatever happened here... a lot of people died and whoever survived is long gone. There's no way to track them, not even with Daryl, it's been too long." Taking a deep breath, Shane tapped Rick's chest pointedly. "And somewhere deep down I think you know that. Otherwise you would have told Carl."

Rick closed his eyes, his heart constructing painfully under the weight of Shane's words. "She..." He stopped himself, unwilling to declare it. A nagging feeling, a lingering voice would not allow him to come to terms with what was a forgone conclusion in this new world. "I can't let this go, Shane... if they're alive..."

Shane shook his head and motioned to the group behind them. "Rick look at them," he hissed. "They're scared. The fucking farm burned down and we promised we'd lead them away from it. We promised them a safe place and right now we're so far up shits creek it wouldn't matter whether or not you had a goddamn paddle cause the shits that fucking dry." Taking a breath, Shane looked down at his boots. "Rick, I know this is hard to hear, but this was a long shot from the beginning and I think you know that."

"If there is a chance-"

"We're past chances Rick!" Shane retorted, much louder than he expected. "You told Carl she was probably dead at the last camp and he's still coming to terms with that... this group wants to go north... the chances that she survived this to escape and head in the same direction... Rick, we're out of options and as much as I hate to admit it, Michonne's gone... she's been gone for seven months now..."

Rick stared out across the camp, trying to imagine a scenario where his wife and children, against all odds, against all common sense, against everything his rationale was telling him, were somehow still alive... somehow...

"I could go by myself."

"Without Carl!"

"With Carl."

"Rick, if you think I'd let you go out there by yourself chasing ghosts-"

"She can't be dead-"

"But she's not here!" Both men fell silent briefly while Shane collected his thoughts. He remembered the look on Rick's face when they found Michonne's overturned car. The near crazed determination that had taken them from camp to camp, following a paper trail that had grown faint with every passing day. He watched his friend torn between finding Michonne and their children and protecting the group they had somehow become in charge of. For months Shane witnessed Rick carry this burden and the further from Atlanta they trekked, the harder it became to face what would was a depressing truth.

Michonne was gone. Regardless of whether or not she was alive, it was next to impossible that they would find her.

"Rick," Shane began but he could see chilling realization falling upon his friend's face.

"I know, Shane... I just." He closed his eyes, hearing her voice. "She's alive... I know she is."

"I know, but..."

Rick's shoulders sagged. "I need a minute."

"Grimes!"

"Ed, I swear to Christ you say one more fucking word I'm gonna beat you so bad those walkers are gonna accept you as one of their own!"

Rick tended and grabbed Shane, pulling him back before he could make good on his threat.

"Stop it, leave him be."

"Oh you know what he is."

"Yeah, and we'll take care of it.. just not here," Rick uttered darkly.

Carl approached the two men tentatively.

"Dad, what's going on? Everyone wants to get back to the highway before nightfall..." Rick looked away from him, but not before Carl was able to read his father's face. Glancing over at Shane for confirmation, a childish worry fell upon him. "She was here, wasn't she?"

Rick did not respond, his eyes clouded over as he walked further into the camp, searching for anything that would give him hope that she had survived. Carl moved to intercept him, but Shane shook his head, looking back at the agitated group of survivors.

"Your dad thought she'd be here... the last outpost we were at, they said this was the likeliest place for her to be."

"And he kept that from me?!"

"Keep your voice down." Carl glanced behind him to see that his outburst had drawn attention. Shane inhaled and looked over at Rick's crouched form. "Your dad didn't want to upset you anymore."

"I'm not upset," Carl protested and Shane fixed him with a knowing look.

"Five sites we've looked... every one promising she'd be there and the last place nearly killed your dad..." Shane placed a hand on the young man's shoulder. "I heard you crying that night... look it's okay, I understand. We all understand, but your dad." Shane sighed. "We couldn't tell anyone about this because we weren't sure it'd be here. Last guy said this was a roaming camp and this would be the last known location."

"But she's not here... Andre and Judith..." Carl realized then what this meant. "They really are dead..."

Shane's chest clenched when Carl's voice choked and his eyes brimmed with tears.

"Carl." They turned to see Rick walking over, his face ashen and somber.

"Dad, what's going on?"

"I'm sorry Carl," the man apologized quietly. "I should have told you about this place."

"But she's not here."

"No, she's not…"

"So what now?" Shane asked, drawing his friend's attention.

When Rick finally spoke, his voice was thick with anguish. "Everything I know is telling me that she's dead… that I'll never see Michonne again." His eyes fell on Carl, who was struggling to hold back his own tears. "I know I'll never see her again… I'll never see Judith or Andre again. As far as we've come and as much as we've seen, there's no chance, there's no possibility, Shane, I know that." He looked over at the man. "I know that… And I _refuse_ to accept it."

Shane stared at Rick in amazement, wondering if he would ever love anyone the way Rick Grimes loved his family.

"Then what are you gonna do?"

Rick looked down at his boots, feeling nauseous and guilt ridden. "I'm gonna do what Michonne would want me to do if she was here. We're gonna do what we promised and take these people to a safe place. I'm gonna take Carl to a safe place."

Shane rested his hand on Rick's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Rick shook his head. "Just get them ready to move out." Nodding, Shane tread slowly back towards the group while Rick fiddled with his gun, digging his heel into the dirt as he slowly came to terms with his decision. Behind him, he could hear the group slowly gathering their things and moving away. Next to him, Carl finally broke his silence."

"Dad?"

"Yeah."

"Do you really think they survived? Mom, Andre and Judith? You think they're alive?"

Rick turned to face his son and offered him a wane smile. "If anyone could survive all of this, it's your mother."

Carl nodded in agreement, but he was still hesitant. There was a hopefulness in his father's voice that contradicted his earlier confession with Shane.

"But we're not looking for them anymore?"

That's when Carl finally saw it. The raw agony of that statement and everything it entailed. For the first time, he witnessed just how much this decision was killing his father and he knew he would be haunted with it for the rest of their lives.

"No we aren't," Rick replied, pulling Carl into a hug. "But they're out there somewhere… and for now that's what we'll hold on to."

Breaking away, Carl sniffed and quickly wiped away some tears before leading the way back to the group. Rick trailed after slowly, continuously glancing behind him as if hoping to catch a glimpse of her… a hint… a whisper…

"Where are you?" he asked to the wind.

Faintly through the trees, a voice responded, _**I don't know…**_

* * *

 **A/N: Please leave a review! Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Oh my goodness, thank you all so much for your support for the story. I wasn't expecting everyone to be so interested, but it's wonderful. Hopefully that continues. We'll learn more about what happened to Michonne as the story progresses. To Blkpunk311, Andre's between 2-3 and Judith's just past a year. They're both talking at different levels, but as we learn more about Michonne's past with Rick and what happened before her accident, you'll find out exactly why Andre's not forthcoming with a lot of information with his mother.**

* * *

 _This time she was in a beautiful modern kitchen, standing at the granite countertop stirring what seemed to be chamomile tea while she flipped through a law book. Behind her, heavy footsteps made their way from the front of the house towards her before stopping at the kitchen entrance. She sensed his eyes on her but refused to look up from her reading, searching for something in particular._

 _"Is this really that important right now?"_

 _She sipped her tea, hiding the smile on her face as she turned the page. "Yes."_

 _"Shane apologized."_

 _"I'm not doing this for Shane, I'm doing this for you." She finally glanced over her shoulder at him, briefly taking in his officer uniform. "You should know the law."_

 _"No one broke the law... and I think you're just doing this to make me sweat."_

 _"Is it working?"_

 _As she returned to the book, he moved to stand behind her, slipping his arms around her waist and resting his head on her shoulder._

 _"It seems unnecessary."_

 _He pressed himself against her and she felt the bulge in his jeans rub against her ass. She swallowed hard and stared determinedly at her legal pages._

 _"No,_ **that** _seems unnecessary."_

 _He smiled, planting teasing kisses on her neck as one hand slipped into her robe, tracing circles on her hot skin. A wanting gasp betrayed her while she set down her tea, grabbing his hand before it could move lower. Michonne felt him grind against her again and this time could not stop the soft, wanting moan that escaped her lips as she returned the movement with a tantalizing roll of her hips._

 _Chuckling, the man moved them around so that he was between her and the counter, catching the lust in her eyes._

 _"This feels utterly necessary."_

 _She snorted. "It sounds like you're gonna be late for work and..." She paused when he slowly backed her up to the cool stainless steel fridge. His strong frame pinned her in, one hand cupping her face tenderly while the other expertly undid her robe._

 _A lopsided grin graced his face and her heart raced._

 _"Hey."_

 _She smiled back at him despite her ignorance of who he was. Every time she saw his face she felt safe. She felt powerful. She felt vulnerable._

 _She was in love with this man and it was obvious by the way he touched her, looked at her, he was just as in love with her._

 _"Hey," she managed breathlessly. He licked his lips and she trembled. "The kids could walk in."_

 _"They're gone," he whispered, his eyes holding hers as he finally undid her robe, leaving her exposed to him, quivering with anticipation. The cheeky glint in his eyes betrayed his intentions and Michonne gasped as his fingers grazed her breasts._

 _"Where?" She questioned, only half paying attention as his thumb circled her nipple._

 _"Carl took the kids to the park," he replied with a wink. He leaned in and planted a soft, teasing kiss to her lips, chuckling to himself when she whimpered for more. She yearned for more. "And we have an hour before I have to go..."_

 _An undignified moan escaped her lips when his fingers made their way to the apex of her thighs and slipped along her slick folds. She felt his arousal against her but she was too distracted by the pleasure he inflicted between her legs._

 _"Doesn't Carl have practice?" she mumbled._

 _"Don't worry about the kids... just tell me what you want right now," he instructed in a deep rumble that caused her to buck against his touch and pull him closer._

 _"I want you."_

 _His fingers slipped into her and her head fell back against the fridge, her moans for more filling the room. He leaned into her ear, nipping at her skin while she writhed against his body. "What do you want me to do?"_

 _"I..." she could not finish her thought as he stroked her velvety walls with such an expertise that she cried out. "Please!"_

 _"Please what?" He growled with a brush to her clit and she rolled her hips against his hand, wanting to feel more of him._

 _"Shit."_

 _"Michonne."_

 _"Fuck me slowly..." She took his face in her hands. "In this kitchen."_

 _He smiled. "Then say my name."_

 ** _His name?_**

 _Her lips formed the words but nothing emerged._

 _"I... your name..."_

 _His fingers were doing things to her that weakened her knees and clouded her mind. She felt his hot breath on her skin, teasing her with the possibilities. She wanted those possibilities..._

 _Without warning, she pulled him into a heated, wet kiss, eliciting a guttural moan from him while he continued to pump his fingers into her and she writhed against him. He wrapped his arm around her and increased his tempo, her wanton cries of pleasure filling the room as she clung to him._

 _And just as suddenly, his hand was gone, leaving a painful void where pleasure had once ruled and forcing her to rip away from him to see what he was doing. He caught her annoyance with a grin and she saw that he was fumbling to unbuckle his police gear and jeans. Giggling, Michonne set about helping him quickly remove his clothes, shoving his pants down along with his boxers and freeing his erection for her to grasp._

 _"Fuck, Michonne," he moaned when her fingers curled around him, tugging him teasingly as he pinned her to the fridge and pulled her up into a better position._

 _"Michonne."_

 _"Yes!"_

 _"Say my name."_

 _She wanted to weep._

 _"I can't remember," she admitted, suddenly uncomfortable against the fridge. Sensing her discomfort, he pulled away and took her face in his hands, his eyes once again pained... tired..._

 _"Michonne," he pleaded and she released a soft sob. "Say my name." The urgency brought tears to her eyes._

 _"I..." The walls around them trembled and her spine began to tingle painfully._

 _The Cowboy reluctantly stepped away from her. They could no longer close the distance until she said his name._

 ** _Why could she not say his name?_**

 ** _What was his name?_**

 _"Say it."_

 _"I don't know."_

 _"Say it!"_

 _"I can't remember!"_

 _He slammed his fists down on the counter, frightening a scream out of her. "God damnit, Michonne, where are you?" he demanded once again. There was a desperation in his voice that cut her deeply. Her entire body ached._

 _"Who are you?"_

"Mommy!"

Michonne jolted into consciousness, momentarily paralyzed on her back as she struggled to breathe. Tiny hands shook her side and after a minute, she turned her head to see Andre watching her with worry while Judith stared at her from her spot in Michonne's arms. Gasping, she sat up and scanned the area, an abandoned warehouse their group had found. It was well into the night as most of the people had fallen asleep, save for a couple of lights near the door where the watch was. The open space meant she had attracted some attention and beyond her space with the children she could see Ryan making his way over. She watched him for a moment, surprised by how attractive he looked in the moonlight coming through the small windows around the building. The conflict of that observation with her recent dream forced her to look away and turn to the children clinging to her.

"What are you two doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep," Andre mumbled while Judith pointed to Michonne's top, which was drenched in sweat. Horrified, Michonne moved Judith off of her and looked around for her rucksack. She heard Ryan's quiet approach and glanced up at him as he stopped a couple of feet away from her and Andre's bedding.

"Everything okay?"

She nodded, pulling a dry shirt out of the bag. "Fine. Couldn't sleep."

"Hi Ryan," Andre waved as he crawled onto his mother's sheets next to Judith.

"Hey Andre. Shouldn't you be asle... oh!" Ryan's face turned red and he quickly turned around as Michonne pulled her top off and changed. She smiled to herself at his embarrassment, having long since abandoned her issues with modesty in camps that often entailed people walking in on each other or overhearing incredibly intimate moments.

"Thanks Ryan," she whispered and he swiftly glanced over his shoulder to check before he timidly sat down on Andre's abandoned sleeping spot.

"Sorry... I just heard the kids and you sounded like..."

She frowned. "Sounded like what?"

He shook his head. "Fitful. Like you were having a bad dream."

She observed him silently for a moment, wondering whether he was being truthful and how obvious her real life actions had been in response to her dream.

"I still don't remember who I am," she informed him quietly and he shifted around.

"You will, I'm sure you will," he replied with a shrug. "Before all of this, you always heard stories of people regaining their memory after traumatic events."

Michonne fiddled with Judith's pigtails. "Perhaps I haven't experienced the right traumatic event to jog my memory."

Ryan fixed her with an exasperated look. "That's not what I meant… it's just… sometimes it comes back to people."

"Yeah." She examined his face carefully and tilted her head to the side, as if she could see passed him. "But perhaps remembering isn't something we want."

Despite realizing she was reading him like a book, Ryan could not help but motion to her and the children. "I think it's something you want."

They stared at each other for a few moments, a whisper of a smile curling Michonne's lips as she nodded slowly. Instead of pressing the issue, however, she motioned to the gun he was carrying. "Were you on guard?"

He nodded. "Just changed with Sasha."

She offered him a wan smile and motioned to where he was. "Get some sleep then. You must be tired."

"You sure? I can go back-"

She snorted and pulled Judith up to her chest while nudging Andre to lie down. "Just go to bed, Ryan," she ordered, scooting around until she was lying on her side facing him. "Back to bed, babies."

Smiling meekly, he lay back on the had ground and sighed. "I wish we did have a bed."

Michonne's eyes met his and he blushed again, shaking his head at her.

"I didn't mean-"

"I know what you meant," she murmured, amused by how flustered he looked. She almost giggled when she recalled Cowboy's naked body pressed against hers and her smile faltered. Coughing, she turned onto her back, staring up at the ceiling blankly. "Goodnight Ryan."

Noting her sudden shift in demeanor, Ryan bit his lip and nodded, rolling over on his back as well. "Goodnight Michonne."

* * *

The next morning the group was packing up what little they had in the warehouse and moving it onto the waiting convoy truck and school bus outside. Michonne was keeping watch with the kids underfoot while Sasha and Ryan packed up a car. Abraham and Tyrese were directing people to the right vehicles. Judith occasionally tugged on the strap of Michonne's katana while Andre played with a toy engine he had found along the road. Sasha would glance up every so often and see a distant look on her friend's face, noting a change in her since they had woken up. Ryan seemed aware of the reason for Michonne's despondency and looked like he was about to go to her.

"Ryan," Sasha stopped him, motioning to the rolled up sheets. "Why don't you get that? I'll talk to her."

He frowned. "Are you sure..." he saw the look she gave him and sighed, frustrated that he could not help Michonne. He watched Sasha move over to the mother before he quietly returned to the task at hand.

"Hey."

Michonne blinked and looked up just as Sasha lowered herself on the damp dirt beside her. "Hey."

"Everything okay?"

Michonne looked between Sasha and Ryan, who was still shooting her furtive glances before she shifted and turned her head down.

"You two talking about me again?"

"Worried," Sasha admitted. "You seem distant today."

For a moment Michonne was silent, watching Andre and Judith play as she gathered her thoughts.

"Just thinking about Cowboy."

"What happened?"

Michonne frowned and Sasha nudged her.

"You've been acting off all morning... what happened? Another dream?"

The need to discuss her vivid dream prompted Michonne to open up. "We were in the kitchen..." She felt her cheeks grown warm. "Sasha it felt so real... I could smell his cologne... but it wasn't just that."

"What is it?"

"I feel like I'm in love with a man I've never met," she whispered, and Sasha glanced noticeably over at Ryan, who was now talking quietly with Tyrese.

"That explicit?"

Michonne's cheeks reddened. "Sasha..." she checked to make sure the kids weren't listening. "It had to have been real."

"Well, we already said that they're probably memories. You and this man obviously had some sort of life together. A very sex filled life."

"Sasha."

The younger woman smiled and nudged her. "Sorry... it's just... you're putting a lot of energy into this when you're already losing sleep. We've got hundreds of miles before we get to Washington and..." She paused, her eyes falling on the children. "You're possibly remembering your life before all of this and that's great. I want you to remember who you were. I want to know who my katana wielding friend was before I met you... but we're getting further and further away from Atlanta, Michonne... the chances of finding him?"

"I know... I don't expect to ever see him again, but..."

"Ryan?"

Michonne thought back to the night before and his obvious fumbling. It was endearing, yet in the back of her head was this nagging feeling that she was betraying someone. Like she was bound by vows she could not remember making and it was incredibly frustrating. She did not like the feeling of guilt hanging over her.

"I'll figure it out."

Sasha placed a hand on Michonne's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Yeah, you will. Regardless of whether or not you remember him. And I'll be there for you."

Michonne smiled but said nothing as Abraham walked over.

"Time to head out," he told them, giving Sasha a wink. "Time to move this dog and pony show onto the next tour site."

Michonne snorted. "Who's the dog and who's the pony?"

Abraham caught the look Sasha threw him and he chuckled, shaking his head. "Nah, I think I'll take a pass on walking into that shitheap. You lovely ladies take your time," he replied, scooping Judith up in his arms. "You little lady are coming with me. I gotta an apple with your name on it."

"Apple?" Andre jumped up, tugging on Abraham's pants intently. "Can I have an apple?"

"May I have an apple," Michonne corrected, much to Abraham's irritation and Sasha's amusement.

"Yeah, bud, let's get you an apple."

He led the children back to the school bus while Michonne and Sasha trailed behind slowly.

"I like him, Sasha."

The former firefighter smiled. "Me too."

* * *

 _"Are you listening to me?"_

 _Rick blinked and turned to see Michonne standing at the edge of their bed, packing up an overnight bag._

 _"What?"_

 _She sighed and brushed her locs out of her face. "I was reminding you about Carl's practice tomorrow. The coach called and said the time had been moved up thirty minutes since it's supposed to rain. Are you gonna be able to take him?"_

 _"Yeah... that should be fine."_

 _Frowning, Michonne noticed the faraway look on Rick's face. "Rick, what's wrong?"_

 _He met her gaze and knew it would be useless to deny his uneasiness at her departure. "I'm not sure about you going into Atlanta right now."_

 _"Why?"_

 _"I don't think it's safe. I've been hearing things on the news," he began, noting that she once again swatted her hair out of her face. He instinctively fished a band out of his pocket and handed it to her. She thanked him and quickly wrapped her locs up in a loose bun atop her head before she returned to packing._

 _"Mike's place isn't downtown," she pointed out distractedly, moving across the room to grab a couple of hair supplies from the boudoir._

 _"Yeah, but something's happening down there," he insisted. "Michonne-"_

 _She stopped. "I can't change this visit again, Rick," she interrupted tersely. "Mike was upset last time and a couple of freaks in downtown Atlanta isn't a good excuse to keep him from seeing Andre. Mike deserves this and I think it's good for Andre to see his dad."_

 _Rick sighed and leaned forward on his knees, rubbing his face in exhaustion. After a long shift, this was not exactly the conversation he wanted to have with her._

 _"I know... I'm just worried, is all. We've been hearing a lot of chatter and it's getting worse."_

 _He visibly relaxed when she took his hand, urging him to look at her. "I know," she whispered, leaning in to press her lips to his temple. "I'll be careful."_

 _They exchanged a brief, yet loving kiss before she turned to her bag, leaving him to watch in silence._

 _"Papa!"_

 _Andre ran in, carrying one of Judith's dolls and heading straight for Rick, who scooped up the little boy and rested him on his lap._

 _"Hey buddy. What's wrong?"_

 _"Carl won't play with me," he complained, meddling with the black Barbie's hair in a way Rick was certain Judith would not like. Ever since Michonne had brought the little girl along to get her dreadlocks touched up at the salon, Judith had been incredibly sensitive to anyone touching her dolls hair, especially the black ones._

 _Carefully prying the doll out of his son's hand before he could completely undo its hair, Rick smiled._

 _"I'll play with you. What do you want to play?" Andre pointed at the doll and Rick nodded. "Fine. We'll play in a few minutes okay?"_

 _"Rick," Michonne muttered. "We're about to leave there's no time to play."_

 _Seeing his mother packing, Andre's excitement grew. "We're gonna go see Daddy now?"_

 _"Yeah, and we're leaving soon, baby," Michonne responded, shooting Rick a scolding look. "So you won't be able to play with Papa."_

 _"Andre!"_

 _They turned to see Carl come in with Judith on his hip and an exasperated look on his face. "There you are."_

 _Andre snuggled closer to Rick and shook his head. "I'm playing with Papa!"_

 _"He says you won't play with him," Michonne added with a wink, prompting Carl to roll his eyes._

 _"I was trying to give them their snacks."_

 _"I see," Rick looked down at Andre. "Someone's trying to get out of their carrots."_

 _"I don't want carrots. I wanna play with Papa."_

 _Michonne sighed. "Andre, we don't have time. We have to get on the road."_

 _Carl frowned. "You're leaving now?"_

 _She nodded. "Traffic's supposed to be pretty bad later so I wanted to get a head start."_

 _"I wish I could go," the teen sulked, garnering a shocked look from both parents. "What? I like Mike. He has a PlayStation."_

 _Michonne snorted back laughter while Rick released a sigh of frustration and stood up, shifting Andre around so he had a better hold of him._

 _"The three of you are impossible," he grumbled and they laughed._

 _"Carl, go grab Andre's bag from his room," Michonne instructed as she picked up her own as well as Judith's baby bag. Rick was about to lead the way out of their bedroom when she took his arm to slow him down. She fixed him with a searching gaze and he offered a wane smile._

 _"I'm okay," he assured her. "Just worried."_

 _"I'll be back Sunday."_

 _He nodded, leaning in to capture her lips in a much needed kiss. Andre squealed when Michonne stepped closer, trapping the child between his parents as the kiss deepened momentarily._

 _"I love you," he whispered and she smiled, warming his heart._

 _"I love you too." She looked down at her displeased son and laughed. "Okay, let's go see Daddy."_

 _They headed down the stairs and out to Michonne's car, where Carl was already strapping Judith into her car seat. Rick did the same for Andre while the teen came around to help his mother with the bags. Despite an effort to be quiet, Rick could still make out their conversation._

 _"Be nice to your dad this weekend," she requested._

 _"No promises."_

 _"Carl."_

 _"What? He's fine."_

 _Michonne's tone changed. "He's not usually like this when I go see Mike."_

 _"Because it's not Mike he's worried about. Atlanta's getting weird."_

 _Rick finished with Andre and listened more intently. "You need to stop watching the news," she pointed out sternly. "It's probably just some new drug people are on. It'll pass in a few days and they'll be talking about that stupid fair again."_

 _Carl chuckled. "I thought you liked the fair."_

 _Rick glanced over and saw Michonne nudge Carl before pulling him into a hug. "Don't tell your father," she mumbled, kissing his forehead swiftly and meeting Rick's eyes with a wink. "Be good. I'll see you in a couple of days."_

 _"Bye mom," he replied, slamming the trunk closed and going over to Andre's side to say goodbye to his brother._

 _Rick watched Michonne come around to the driver'a door._

 _"Drive safe or I'll have Shane pull you over again," he warned teasingly and she giggled, leaning in for one final kiss._

 _"Yes, Sheriff Grimes," she whispered into his ear in a way that caused his spine to tingle. "Bye."_

 _"Bye." He leaned over and waved at Judith. "Bye honey." She was too distracted by her doll to wave back._

 _He and Carl stepped away, waving as she started up the car and backed out of the driveway. She briefly waved back and then turned the car, driving out of sight._

That was the last time he saw them. Despite his worry, it had all the trappings to be a routine trip to Atlanta to see her ex-boyfriend and now Rick sat up against a tree, watching Carl sleep, and thinking of how he had squandered those final moments with her. While not the last time they would speak, it was their last peaceful moment together and he wished he had not let her go.

"Rick?"

Blinking quickly, Rick looked around and saw Shane coming over to sit next to him.

"What's up?"

"It's my turn to take watch," Shane indicated, motioning to where the others were sleeping. "Go get some rest."

Rick shook his head. "I'm fine. I'll stay."

Shane nudged him. "I got this, Rick. You've been up since yesterday, you need to sleep."

A brief silence fell upon them as they listened to the fire crackle and insects chirp. Carl shifted around, mumbling in his sleep while Maggie and Glenn leaned against each other on the other side of the makeshift camp, conversing in hushed whispers.

"All they need is some s'mores and a douchebag with a guitar," Shane commented and Rick snorted.

"All they need is time."

"The outdoors helps with the mood though, don't you think? I always got lucky taking a girl out camping."

Rick smiled. "I asked Michonne if she wanted to go camping once."

Shane glanced over at Rick, who was still watching Carl through tired, red eyes. "You hate camping."

"Yeah..."

"Why ask?"

"Carl wanted to go."

"What she say? No?"

Rick shook his head. "No... she was actually really eager to do it."

"So what happened?"

The memory of the morning of their departure brought a smile to Rick's face as he leaned back against the tree. "I told her you called me in for an emergency."

Shane's eyes widened. "Really?" Something occurred to him and he straightened up. "Wait, when was this?"

"Couple months after the wedding."

"Is that why she was actin' like she was mad at me?"

Rick snorted, remembering the frosty shoulder Michonne had given Shane for about a week before Rick admitted to her that he made the whole thing up.

"Yeah, it was."

"Why didn't you just tell her you didn't want to go camping?"

When his friend did not respond, Shane looked over to see Rick staring at his wedding band, twisting it around on his finger with a tightly clenched jaw. He was mute for a few seconds, clearly weighed down by the memory.

"Michonne miscarried... a couple weeks earlier," he finally admitted, exhaling heavily as his stomach churned and Shane's heart sank.

"Fuck... God damn, Rick, I'm so sorry," he offered somewhat helplessly, reaching out to touch his friend's shoulder. "I didn't know..."

Rick shook his head, inhaling sharply and swiping at the tears pooling in his eyes. "We hadn't told anyone, it was still pretty early. The kids didn't even know..." He looked over at Carl. "When she told me, I didn't know what to do. So I just tried to give her anything she needed... but I didn't want her out in the woods... I think I was being overprotective for a little while..."

They returned to silence as Shane, unsure of the right words to say, simply waited for his friend to gather his thoughts. He remembered that time being particularly rough for Rick at work, but it pained him to think that the couple had gone through such a heartbreaking situation, especially so early in their marriage.

"I wanted to grow old with her, Shane."

Shane wrapped an arm around the man's shoulders and pulled him in as Rick quietly began to weep.

"I know."

* * *

 **A/N: Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: FINALLY AN UPDATE! :) Sorry for the wait! Let's get to it!**

* * *

"I spy with my little eye, something that begins with 'c'!" Andre yelled from the front of the RV as Tyrese drove their little band up the highway. The little boy was sitting at the small table with Abraham and Sasha, gazing wistfully out the window while the adults humored him as they cleaned their weapons. Ryan sat up front with Tyrese, repeatedly gazing towards the backroom where Michonne nursed Judith.

"Clouds?" Sasha guessed.

"No!"

"Cars?" Abraham tried.

"No!"

Sasha leaned over Abraham jokingly, peering in mock seriousness out the window to see what Andre could possibly be looking at. "Cat? Do you see a cat?"

"No," the child giggled while Abraham stole a kiss when she returned to her seat, causing her to blush. "Guess again!"

"Andre, keep your voice down," Michonne hushed. "Judith's asleep."

"Mommy, play with us," Andre patted the spot next to him expectantly.

"What are you playing?"

"I Spy," Sasha chuckled. "We're surprisingly bad at it. How's Judith?"

Michonne glanced down at Andre. "Asleep for now… I can't get her fever down."

"We're getting closer to DC," Abraham whispered. "I'm sure we'll find something there that'll help."

Sasha reached out to the concerned mother and took her hand. "She'll be fine."

"Mommy!"

Andre's face was plastered against the window as he jumped up and down in his seat, pointing at the high point of a roller coaster coming up the highway.

"Can we go? Mommy, please!"

The adults exchanged glances before Michonne gently eased Andre away from window.

"I don't think so, Andre."

"Why not! It's there! Please!"

"None of the rides are working, buddy," Abraham pointed out. "No electricity."

Andre seemed unimpressed with that answer. "We could still play games! Please, I can play the toss game! I'm good at the toss game!"

"No," Michonne replied. "It's probably not safe…" Her heart constricted at the idea of families being stranded at the amusement park during the turn, their children frightened and now likely wandering around the grounds aimlessly…

Shaking herself of those depressing thoughts, Michonne got up and searched through a lower cabinet.

"We can play games here, Andre."

The child whimpered, anxiously bouncing in his seat as he gazed longingly at the tracks rising high above the tree line, the promise of fun slowly fading the closer they got. In his eyes, Michonne saw frustration building as if he were remembering something and the moment she touched him, he burst into angry tears.

"I wanna go back! I want Papa! I want Daddy! I wanna go back home!" He leaned forward, crying onto the table as Michonne tried to comfort him. "Please mommy… I wanna go home… I wanna play with Carl… please no more."

"There is no more home," Michonne whispered. "I told you, we can't go back, Andre. Please, baby, I'm sorry."

Her words seemed to break something in him. Andre stopped for a brief moment, simply staring at her as if he did not recognize her. As if he were seeing someone else. Then all at once he devolved into wheezing sobs, shoving Michonne away when she tried to stop him.

"Andre, honey, don't," Sasha attempted.

Michonne's vision blurred, her chest constricted painfully, but she managed to grab hold of Andre, despite his loud protests.

"Andre-"

"No!" Andre bawled, struggling against her. "I wannna see Papa! I want Daddy. Give me back daddy! Wake him up!"

"Andre-"

"WAKE UP DADDY! I WANT DADDY!"

Michonne hesitated. "Andre, what-"

"Mommy!" Judith's cries cut through from the back, giving Michonne little time to react. Sasha quickly got up and hurried to the back while Michonne struggled to get Andre under control. He sobbed into her lap, going on and on about wanting to see 'Papa' and 'Daddy', admittedly the first he had ever spoken about any father figure in a long while.

"Andre-"

"Tyrese, stop the RV!" Sasha shouted from the back. "Stop it now!"

Just as the RV slowed, Michonne hurried to the back while Abraham slid around to comfort the weeping child.

* * *

Several hours passed before night fell and they finally reached an abandoned gas station where they could bed down for the night. They were surprised to find a bit of fuel, with the building structurally sound and inside clear of walkers.

Abraham walked the perimeter while Sasha scoped out the area, clearing any nearby walkers and hunting for anything edible. Ryan and Tyrese boarded up windows, started a fire, checked inventory and began making dinner while Michonne watched the kids, changing Judith into warmer clothes. The baby girl's brown skin was blotchy and sweaty, her nose running and breathing a bit labored. Michonne knew what she needed to help the child feel better, but they only needed to find some medicine.

Andre, who had grown silent by the time they had set up camp, colored in a book Tyrese found. He seemed unaware of everything going on around him. Michonne kept an eye on him while wrapping Judith up in a blanket.

Andre's words from earlier swirled around relentlessly in her mind, wracking her with numerous questions, as well as guilt for not knowing the answers.

Hugging Judith closely, she looked at the others gathering around the fire. Ryan still checked supplies. Tyrese tracked their progress on a map, motioning Abraham over when he finally came inside with Sasha. The young woman came to rest beside Michonne and her children, providing Michonne with some peace.

"How is she?"

Judith shifted in discomfort, grasping Michonne's sweater. "She needs antibiotics…"

"We'll find some, Abe's sure of it. Once we get to DC."

Michonne nodded, but said nothing. Sasha knew she was consumed with guilt and anxiety about their current predicament. It was imperative that they get to the capital as soon as possible, but they could do nothing at night when the danger of running into a herd meant certain death. They would have to wait until the morning.

"He seems better," Sasha mused, drawing Michonne's attention away from Judith to Andre, who's back was to them.

"He does." Her mind went back to his outburst earlier and her heart clenched.

"He mentioned his father."

Michonne was silent for a moment, thinking through Andre's words. "He said his father was asleep," she responded tersely as she peered over the boy's shoulder to see what he was drawing. He seemed to notice and moved so that she could not see. Sasha caught the dark look on Michonne's face and frowned, understanding the fear that statement had caused. It was not the first time the child had uttered those words.

"Two dads… one's asleep…"

Inhaling sharply, Michonne shifted and looked down at Judith. Despite much prodding earlier on, Andre had provided very little details about his 'Papa'. Judith initially had cried quite often for the man, but Michonne had limited expectations about how much the baby would remember. Andre, in contrast, seemed to remember quite a bit, but it was Michonne's own hang ups that kept him quiet. The first and only time Andre spoke of his father, 'Daddy', was to accuse her of making him sleep. It was a frantic and chilling moment with implications that frightened Michonne from broaching the subject again with the child. Her dreams of the cowboy also lent a certain amount of guilt to the entire situation.

She refused to jump to conclusions. Regardless of her amnesia, it was not difficult for Michonne to figure out that while boasting similarities to her, Judith and Andre had different fathers. Her ignorance on the rest as well as the general chaos of waking up with amnesia in the apocalypse had left her wholly unqualified, and somewhat uninterested, in digging deeper.

It was time to change that.

"Andre," she called. No response. "Andre."

"Yes, mommy," he glanced at her and Sasha, his face surprisingly serious.

"Earlier… you said you wanted papa to wake up-"

"Not Papa, Daddy," he corrected, returning to his coloring. Michonne and Sasha exchanged glances.

"Why did you say that?" she pressed.

"Because you made him sleep." His voice was strained, yet he would not look up at her. "Can we go wake him up now?"

Michonne shuddered, wondering exactly what had befallen them before her accident. Had she killed his father out of necessity, for survival, or had something more malicious taken place? Had Andre witnessed the whole thing or was he repeating a lie she told him?

"Was your Daddy acting funny before he went to sleep?" Sasha quietly prodded, attempting to gain more information while Michonne clearly became stuck in her own revolving door of questions.

Andre's face contorted. "Biting Judy… he kept trying to bite Judy."

"He turned," Michonne uttered, looking at Sasha. "His father turned and I-"

"Can we wake him up?"

Mother and child stared at each other for a moment before Michonne reached out and pulled Andre into a hug. "I'm so sorry baby… I'm sorry you saw what you saw and I'm sorry I don't remember," her voice choked and Sasha eased Judith out of her arm so she could hold her son properly. "Andre, I'm so sorry… Daddy's not waking up."

"What about Papa?"

"I…" Michonne sighed, kissing Andre's brow. "I don't know."

They were quiet for a while as Andre sniffled and clung to his mother, both digesting the difficult information that had been offered. Sasha rocked back and forth, rubbing Judith's back as her eyes fell on Andre's drawing.

"Oh." Lifting Judith up a bit, she shuffled around so that she could get a better look. She picked it up for Michonne to see, unsure of how to address what she saw. Along with a rotund flying creature in the clouds, Andre drew six figures on the page, all of varying sizes and shades. "This is beautiful, Andre."

"Thank you."

"Is that our family?"

"Yes."

Sasha looked over at them, catching Michonne's fleeting glance before the mother gently took the drawing from her friend and rested it before them.

"That's you," she began, pointing to the small figure in the middle. "That's me, with Judith…"

"That's a bee," Andre interjected, pointing to a winged creature above his interpretation of his baby sister.

"It is, isn't it." Michonne pointed to another figure. "Is that Carl?"

"Yeah."

Michonne stared at the picture. Of the three, she knew the most about Carl, who Andre seemed to admire quite a bit based on his statements. Based on how light Andre had drawn the boy, Michonne could only assume that he was a product of a different relationship, just like Andre. A blended family…

"And that?" Michonne motioned to the last remaining peach colored body with a large, old-fashioned sheriff's badge on its chest.

"That's Papa," Andre stated matter-of-factly.

"Papa!" Judith piped in happily, reaching out to touch the paper.

Michonne sat up straighter while Sasha leaned in.

"Do you remember Papa's name?" Michonne pressed, doing her best to sound calm.

Andre shrugged. "Sheriff Papa," he answered obliviously, pushing Judith's hand away before she could tear at the paper. "No."

Sasha snorted back a chuckle and offered Michonne an apologetic wince, mouthing 'sorry'. Unfortunately, she had drawn attention from Ryan, who made his way over with a timid smile.

"Hey," he greeted. "Dinner's ready."

"Hi Uncle Ryan," Andre replied, again shoving Judith's hands away from his drawing before he offered to show it to the man. "Look."

Michonne watched as Ryan gazed over the paper.

"Wow, this looks really great. This your family?"

"He has a better memory than I do," Michonne muttered and Ryan looked up, frowning.

"You okay?"

Sasha caught the look between them and stood up, reaching out for Andre. "I'm gonna get something to eat," she offered, leading the children over to where Tyrese was stirring something in a pot. "I'll bring you something back."

Michonne waited for her to leave with the kids before she turned back to Ryan. "I… I think I killed Andre's father."

Ryan stared at her for a moment, taking in the softness of her round cheeks, full lips, glowing skin in the firelight, contrasted by the hardness that began to sink into her eyes. A continued trend the further away they got from Georgia.

"You were protecting your kids," he replied.

"How could you possibly know-"

"You're not that type of person, Michonne. Everything you've done to this point has been to protect your kids. I'm sure that's what you would have done regardless of the accident."

"Not knowing, though… it's hard not knowing."

He reached out and took her hand. "Well… perhaps one day you will remember. But until then, you have the kids and you have me…" He blinked and looked over at Sasha and Tyrese, his face growing visibly red. "Us… you have us."

A ghost of a smile graced Michonne's lips as she leaned in to kiss his cheek, giving his hand a squeeze. "Thank you," she stood up with her katana. "Have you eaten?"

He shook his head, standing up as well, still holding her hand. "No," he answered but neither made a move to leave. Instead, he stepped closer to her, his eyes flickering down to her lips.

 _Where are you?_

A searing pain shot through the back of her head and she gasped, rubbing her temples as the throbbing increased.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded, glancing up at him. "It's just my headaches, sorry."

Ryan touched the back of his hand to her forehead. "You're warm… you may be coming down with what Judith has," he worried and she shook her head, which only made the pain worse.

 _Where are-_

"I'm here," she muttered.

"What?"

Catching the concern on his face, she rested a hand on his chest and snorted. "I think I just need something to eat. I'll be fine."

"You sure?"

She nodded and he sighed, leading the way to where the others were gathered, dishing out small portions of the makeshift stew Tyrese had managed to put together. As they ate and chatted, the pain slowly subsided, but in the back of her head, Michonne could feel the cowboy waiting for her to fall asleep.

* * *

 _Where are you?_

 _Michonne opened her eyes and took a moment to adjust to the morning sunlight, peeking through the familiar curtains of a bedroom she did not recognize. Breathing slowly, she shifted and immediately felt a body move behind her, an arm tightened around her waist, and soft, wet lips on her shoulder._

 _"I'm here," she whispered and felt the vibrations from his chest when he chuckled. Her heart ached._

 _"Good."_

 _Their bodies, naked, sweaty, and exhausted, pressed warmly against each other. Something beautiful occurred the night before... something new, yet as she awakened in his arms it felt natural. His fingers caressed her stomach tenderly and she wondered how this was possible._

 _"Who are you?" She mumbled and he laughed again._

 _"You're still waking up," he responded into her ear, propping up on an elbow to look down at her. "Good morning."_

 _She smiled. "Good morning."_

 _He caressed her cheek, his striking blue eyes filled with so much love that she could not help but lean up and kiss him. His body responded eagerly to her, his arousal brushing intimately against her leg as their tongues danced briefly._

 _"This was a good idea," she gasped when he moved away from her lips to her jaw, tasting her skin with every kiss._

 _She shivered when he smiled into her neck. "Yeah... I've found that sex with you tends to be a good idea." She snorted and he cringed, realizing how he came across. "Sorry, that was very corny."_

 _Michonne could not help but grin at his sudden awkwardness, knowing it was an attempt to make her feel more comfortable._

 _"You're very corny," she giggled, running a hand along his arm._

 _It was new, she understood that much, but as they lay there basking in the afterglow, gently caressing each other and exchanging quick, teasing kisses, it felt familiar._

 _"Well, you're still here, so I'm guessing it's not a deal breaker."_

 _She snorted. "Good looks help."_

 _There it was. That lopsided grin that stole her breath and left her heart racing. It was obvious he knew what it did to her as his eyes flickered briefly to her exposed chest before locking her in a mischievous gaze._

 _"I am attractive aren't I," he asserted with a wink and she shrugged, brushing tresses of his gorgeous curls out of his face._

 _"You're not too bad to look at." His smile disappeared as he took her hand firmly in his, the intensity on his face warming her body as he shifted more intimately against her. Her breath caught in her throat when his hard cock pressed against her throbbing clit, their fingers lacing together._

 _"What?" She prompted eagerly, shivering when he smiled and massaged her fingers purposefully in his calloused hand._

 _"I just wanted to tell you that I love you."_

 _She could barely breathe._

 _"I..."_

 _What was his name? She needed his name._

 _He shifted and the next instant she took his face in her hands, pulling him down into a heated kiss that left them both groaning with desire. He sucked on her lower lip, murmuring her name in a low rumble as he moved fully on top of her. Their legs entwined as the heat intensified, his fingers brushing along her breasts and she giggled at his hasty apology when his knee slipped and knocked against her._

 _As natural as it seemed, the newness was exciting for both of them. That awkwardness of learning the body of a discovered lover, the giddiness she felt under his attention. It amazed her._

 _It hurt her._

 _"Where are you?"_

 _She trembled. "I don't know..." He growled and aligned his erection against her thigh deliberately. "Fuck..."_

 _He laughed and pulled away slightly. "That good?"_

 _Her cheeks reddened under his grin and they shared a swift kiss. His fingers began to venture between her legs, causing her to gasp and writhe at his experienced touch. He stroked her teasingly at first, watching her face for positive reactions and smiling as her body wriggled. A strangled gasp escaped her lips when his thumb swirled around her throbbing clit._

 _"Yes, that good…" The rest of her thought was cut off by a stifled moan. He leaned in to devour her lips. Michonne whimpered, loving the way he kissed her, touched her, aroused her body. The closer they got, the more she wanted to express how she felt, yet the words refused to come out._

 _"Michonne," he murmured._

 _"Yes," she gasped and he pulled away to look in her eyes, reaching up to caress her face softly._

 _"I love you."_

 _The seriousness in his eyes wiped the smile from her face and caused her heart to race. Covering his hand with hers, she nodded slowly and trembled with anticipation when he leaned down and kissed her forehead. He ran his thumb along her lips, observing her as if committing her face to memory. He began leaving light kisses along the side of her mouth along her jaw, his hot breath causing her skin to burn while their bodies embraced. She could cry, she wanted him so badly._

 _"Where are you?"_

 _"I'm here," he growled as he pressed the head of his penis against her hot entrance, causing her to whimper. "I'm right here."_

 _"Who are you?"_

 _"You know who I am."_

 _"I…" The pleasure of the moment gave way to an instance of pain and she flinched. "I don't… who are you?"_

 _"Michonne-"_

 _Their lips met, tongues brushing, and she groaned, wriggling underneath him._

 _"Tell me who you are," she pleaded._

 _"Michonne!"_

A loud noise woke Michonne up. She grabbed for her katana at the clanking of cans, looking around to see Ryan trying to steady the shelf he accidentally knocked into. Beside her, the children slept, Judith fitfully, coughing and whimpering in the humid air. Michonne pressed a clammy hand to the girl's forehead and fought back tears. The fever had returned. She checked her bag in a futile effort to find a loose ibuprofen tablet; they had long since run out. Grabbing a spare cloth, she wet it with what was left in her canteen and gently dabbed Judith's burning skin. Beyond the embers of their fire, Michonne could barely make out Sasha's form, right next to Abraham. Tyrese was to their left, back turned. She was jealous.

"I didn't mean to wake you," Ryan apologized, but she did not bother looking up to see the concern in his eyes. It was a look she had grown familiar with.

"She needs medicine," Michonne muttered, more to herself than to him. She folded the cloth and rested it on Judith's forehead, watching helplessly as the child continued to toss and turn in her sleep. For a moment she just sat there, staring, trying to shove the dream out of her mind. That comfortable bed, soft hands, the warm kisses…

Ryan startled when she sat up suddenly and rested against the wall, grabbing her katana and placing it on her lap.

"I'll take the watch," she muttered and he shook his head.

"Michonne, you should get some rest. I've got this. You need to sleep."

Through the darkness, he could see the sheet of sweat that beaded on her ashen face. He reached out for her, but she pulled away.

"I'll take the watch," she gritted with the tone of finality he was not about to argue against.

"Okay…"

She watched him move over to his spot near the fire, eyes on her. Turning her gaze back to her children, Michonne finally breathed.

The truth was, she no longer wished to sleep. More accurately, she no longer wished to dream.

There was enough torture in not knowing who she was or remembering her life before the turn. Dreaming of happier times with the cowboy only added to the agony.

Michonne gripped her katana tightly, watching Judith and Andre sleep.

They were going to live…

They were going to live…

* * *

"Rick! RICK!"

The man slowed slightly for Shane and Maggie to catch up as he headed back to his house. Behind them, the Alexandrians remaining in the church were in a loud uproar.

"Rick! What the hell was that about?" Shane demanded.

"That was me making a decision."

"You just committed us to a fucking war-"

" _WE_ decided last night," Rick rounded on them, the rage barely suppressed. Shane stepped in front of Maggie but she rolled her eyes and moved around him, pointing behind her.

"What you did was _not_ what we agreed to! Those people are still scared from the last attack and you're telling them we're jumping into this war without any preparation. We agreed to a vote!"

Rick shook his head. "The Hilltop and Kingdom have dragged us into a war and you heard Daryl. They took those kids from the Hilltop and are gonna come back here. We do not have time to baby these people with a fucking vote. We're headed to war and they better get their acts together quick," he growled, much to Maggie's dismay.

"Rick, I understand you're upset, given what just happened with Carl, but we need to be careful-"

"Those Saviors tried to kill Carl, Maggie!" Rick roared, pointing to the front gate of Alexandria. "I'm done being careful! That's all we've fucking been since we got here and I'm DONE!"

"Rick, calm down," Shane growled, stepping in front of Maggie once again. This time, though, she did not counter it. Instead, she caught sight of Glenn waving for her and she took a deep breath, shooting Shane a pointed look.

"I'm gonna go take care of the people and help Glenn hand out weapons… _you handle this_ ," she hissed before moving off. Shane watched her leave as Rick headed towards the infirmary.

"Rick!" He fell in step with his friend. "Rick, you need to slow down and take a breath, man. You're on a bad path."

"Don't do that. Don't, not after what happened to Carl-"

"Look, I get you're angry. I'm angry! We're all angry! We were caught off guard and Carl got hurt. Deanna died… and everyone's looking to you as the leader now and you just declared war without warning."

"These people have been coddled enough," Rick snapped. "I'm done coddling them."

"Rick."

"WHAT?!"

Shane sighed and waited as Rick closed his eyes, breathing deeply as he wobbled on his feet. It was obvious the man had not slept well for a while, Shane suspected since this whole thing started in Atlanta. A darkness formed over Rick the further they got from Georgia, but until last night's attack, somehow Rick managed to keep it together. Now, he seemed unhinged.

"Maybe you should sit this out," Shane quietly suggested, observing the twitch in Rick's face. "We can handle this-"

"He shot Carl!"

Shane backed away. "Yes, but he's alive and you're heading down a dangerous path-"

"HE TRIED TO KILL MY SON!" Rick began to pace in front of the infirmary door. Catching the look in his friend's eyes, Rick cracked his neck and rolled his shoulders. "Carl's all I have left, Shane… and that bastard almost killed him. I'm not gonna let him get away with it."

The fire that burned in Rick's eyes was familiar. It was the same look he had in his eyes when they searched for Michonne…

"Rick… I know what you're thinking-"

"No you don't-"

" _Yes I do_ ," Shane snarled, rubbing the back of his head irritably. "After what happened with Michonne and the kids-"

Rick shook his head. "Don't do that. Don't bring her-"

"Rick-"

"Shane, we need to get ready," Rick snapped. "We need to get ready…and I need to check on Carl, so…"

Getting the hint, Shane sighed and pointed behind him. "I'll catch up with Maggie and Glenn." He paused, thinking of what Michonne would say in moments like this, when Rick was stressed. "Take a breath, Rick."

The man departed, leaving Rick alone on the porch, his mind whirling with painful thoughts of his missing wife and kids. He wavered again, his body aching and straining from fatigue, stress, heartache, and anger…

Taking a shallow breath, Rick went into the infirmary, bypassing Denise to where Carl lay.

"Dad?"

Gasping, Rick rushed to the young man's bedside as he shifted. "You're awake!"

Carl winced, clutching his bandaged stomach as he struggled to breathe. "I'm fine. It's not as bad as it looks."

Rick snorted. "It's about _exactly_ as bad as it looks, Carl, you were shot."

"Yeah, I got that," Carl muttered. "I also heard you're going after Negan."

"He shot you," Rick growled. "I'm gonna kill him."

Observing his father, Carl quickly detected the sadness in the man's blue eyes. Since they had arrived at Alexandria, Rick had gotten better at hiding his emotions, all in an effort to quell the nerves of Deanna's people. But it was clear now that his father was only delaying a spiral and Rick's face exposed his months' long torment.

"Still thinking about them?"

"Them?"

"Mom… Andre, Judith…"

"I never stopped."

"You stopped talking about her." Rick's gaze met Carl's in surprise and the young man shrugged before flinching and leaning back in his bed. "You haven't mentioned her once since we got here... or Judith or Andre..."

Rick's chest constricted painfully and he turned his eyes away. "I don't… It's been too long."

"You make it sound like they're dead," Carl responded somewhat accusingly, catching the fleeting anger in his father's eyes as the man turned to face him completely.

"The chances..." he stopped himself and sighed, remembering his own words to Shane earlier. "I… I can't make that right, but this…"

"Dad… what happened to them wasn't your fault."

Rick closed his eyes and rested his head on his hands, struggling to control the tears and fury the bubbled just beneath the surface. In the back of his mind he could hear her screams, his children's screams, and last night, witnessing Carl's near death only brought it all back in stark detail.

"I wasn't there for them… I wasn't there for you-"

"Dad, that's not what-"

"I'm not gonna let that happen again," Rick whispered determinedly. "I'm gonna make this world safe for you." _Even if it kills me,_ he thought.

"Don't do anything stupid," Carl urged, recognizing the look in his father's eyes. "I need you in this world."

Rick remained silent for a moment, lost in thoughts, in memories of times before they arrived in Alexandria. Of moments he wished he could change, things he wished he had said…

"I'm gonna make this right," he murmured, leaning in to kiss Carl's forehead. "I love you."

"Dad, please don't do anything-"

"I'll be back… just get some rest."

"Dad!"

Rick stopped and turned to look at Carl, his heart breaking at the sight of his son in that bad.

"I love you, too."

Nodding, Rick turned to leave. Carl watched his father walk away, knowing full well that could be the last time he ever saw him again.

* * *

 _The first ring had barely passed when Rick snatched the cellphone from the counter and answered with a quick glance at the caller ID._

 _"Michonne," he gasped in relief. "What the hell happened? I've been trying to reach you for the past hour! I'm about to go to Atlanta to find you!" Silence greeted him and he checked the phone to ensure he was correct. "Michonne? Michonne!"_

 _ **"Rick..."**_

 _Her voice was weak, strained. She'd been crying._

 _"What is it? What's wrong? Are you okay? Oh God, are the kids okay?" Again no response and he felt the panic rising as Carl burst through the door._

 _"Dad, the car's ready! Shane's outside waiting... who's that on the phone? Is that mom?"_

 _Rick held up a hand to shush the young boy as he strained to hear. "Michonne, baby, what's wrong? Answer me."_

 _ **"I killed Mike,"**_ _she murmured into the phone and Rick's heart nearly stopped._

 _"What?"_

 _ **"I… I killed him, Rick… Mike's dead."**_

 _Rick glanced over at Carl, who watched him eagerly, hoping to talk with Michonne._

 _"Is it Mom? Can I talk to her?" He demanded and Rick shook his head, pointing back to the living room._

 _"Carl, watch the news and tell me if anything changes."_

 _ **"Is that Carl?"**_ _Michonne mumbled and it took everything in Rick's power not to break down._

 _"Carl, living room, now!"_

 _"But-"_

 _"Now!"_

 _The desperate urgency in his father's face alerted Carl that something had gone terribly wrong. Instead of making things worse, he quickly gathered his things and departed, leaving Rick to focus on his wife._

 _"Michonne-"_

 _ **"Rick, I killed Mike!"**_ _A sharp sob cut her off and Rick's knees went weak, forcing him up against the counter as he struggled to keep a level head. Never before had he heard her like this. Terrified._

 _"You killed Mike..." He squeezed his eyes shut and took a shaky breath, trying desperately to push beyond the frenzy her admission caused in his mind. "Michonne, what happened?"_

 _There was a brief pause, where he could hear her sniffling and moving around. Too many questions bombarded him, but he sat on them, praying to God she would find her voice soon._

 _"_ _ **I... I don't know."**_

 _Rick almost threw the phone. "What do you mean you don't know?!"_

 _"_ _ **He was dead, Rick!"**_ _She yelled back, clearly on the edge. "_ _ **His fever... I thought it was just the bite, but he kept getting worse. None of the hospitals would take him and I couldn't move him with the kids..."**_ _She paused, her voice changing with a hint of bitterness._ _ **"They told me to leave him locked in the house, Rick. The hospital was telling me to abandon him."**_

 _"What happened?"_

 _ **"He got worse, then he just died."**_

 _Rick closed his eyes. "You killed him because he had the flu?"_

 _ **"It wasn't the flu Rick! People don't die from a bite to the arm. It wasn't rabies... I don't think it works that quickly..."**_ _She seemed to be talking to herself. "_ _ **I didn't kill him!"**_

 _"You just told me-"_

 _ **"He came back... Rick, I don't know what happened. He was dead, I checked his pulse. I checked his pulse. I checked his-"**_

 _"Michonne," Rick snapped before she repeated the chilling phrase. Never before had he heard her like this. He could barely breathe, but he needed to keep it together for her. Remembering all of the times she calmed him after tense nights on-duty, he decided to use her words on her. "Take a breath, Michonne… take a breath."_

 _She exhaled._

 _"_ _ **He was dead... I went next door to get help and then..."**_ _His breath hitched as he waited for her to finish. "_ _ **The kids started screaming. Judith was screaming. I'd never heard anything so awful."**_

 _"Jesus, are they-"_

 _ **"They're fine!"**_ _She blurted out, almost apologetically._ _ **"Andre and Judith are fine, but he tried to kill them, or at least I thought. He had them trapped in a closet and was breaking down the door. When he saw me he just lunged... but it wasn't him..."**_

 _"Michonne, what happened?"_

 _"_ _ **He kept trying to bite me... I had to, I had to kill him. Mike's dead, oh God, he's dead."**_

 _Rick heard a thump as she hit the floor and he almost did the same. "Michonne!"_

 _ **"I'm fine,"**_ _she snapped, the tension in her voice nearly killing him. This was a side of Michonne he'd never witnessed. Scared, angry, confused... she was doing her best to stay calm for the kids, he knew that, but it was unraveling swiftly as she spoke to him. Any longer and he would follow suit. They needed to be together. "_ _ **Andre saw the whole thing Rick... he saw me kill Mike... he hasn't said a word since. He won't even look at me."**_

 _"Dad!" Carl called from the living room just as Shane entered the house with a shot gun in one hand and flashlight in the other. They both went into the room in time to catch the latest news update._

 _"Are shooting into the crowds, oh my God!" The anchor exclaimed as she stared at the monitor in horror. "These people were just looking for help... Jesus Christ!" The anchor flinched and then pulled out her ear piece. "No, I will not-"_

 _The feed cut out._

 _"Jesus," Shane muttered. "We need to get out of here, Rick."_

 _"Michonne, you need to grab the kids and get back to King County now."_

 _ **"Rick, I just killed a man-"**_

 _"Michonne, the National Guard just opened fire on a crowd of civilians on national television, you need to get the fuck out of Atlanta right now! You and I will deal with Mike later, I promise, so leave everything as it is, but you and the kids cannot stay there anymore! Please," he begged angrily._

 _There was a moment of silence over the phone. It was the longest second of Rick's life._

 _ **"Okay,"**_ _she finally gasped. He could hear her moving around and finally he heard Judith whimpering as Michonne picked her up. "Andre, baby, grab your bag and come on!"_

 _ **"But Daddy,"**_ _Andre protested while more shuffling filtered through._

 _ **"Daddy's staying here."**_

 _ **"Is he sleeping?"**_

 _Rick covered his mouth, tears filled his eyes. Shane observed with concern, reaching out to hold Carl back as they watched Rick struggle to keep it together._

 _ **"Yes, Andre, please hurry! Papa and Carl are waiting for us, let's go!"**_

 _"Michonne!" Rick called. There was more shuffling before she responded._

 _ **"Rick, are you at home?"**_

 _"Yes, but I'm gonna come meet you, okay? Remember the back way I taught you to avoid the afternoon highway traffic?"_

 _"_ _ **Yes, I think..."**_ _Michonne was cut off by someone else yelling in the background. Judith was nearly screeching at this point, making it harder to hear what was being said. "_ _ **No... ma'am it's fine."**_ _Rick tensed. She was using her lawyer voice. It sounded strange mingled with the fear and stress. "_ _ **Ms. Farley, please don't... no we're coming back, but it's not... there's no need to call the police!"**_ _Someone started screaming and then he heard car doors open._

 _"Michonne, what's going on?" he demanded, but was ignored._

 _ **"Shit... shit!"**_ _There was a lot of shuffling around and muted voices in the background._ _ **"Andre turn around! Andre!"**_

 _ **"Mommy!"**_ _Andre uttered fearfully._

 _"'Michonne!" Rick barked. "Michonne!"_

 _All he could hear was Michonne's frantic breathing and Andre and Judith bawling. There were sharp thuds and then a clatter as he assumed the phone was dropped, rendering his cries for his wife useless. He still heard the children wailing for their mother right before a car door slammed and the engine started._

 _ **"Get down!"**_ _Michonne ordered as tires squealed._ _ **"Kids put your heads down!"**_

 _"Michonne!" Rick yelled before Shane snatched the phone and put it on speaker, too unsettled now to let his friend suffer alone. "Michonne!"_

 _A bang in the distance. Glass shattered and Michonne screamed._

 _ **"MOMMY!"**_

 _"Andre!" Carl cried, trying to grab the phone. "Mom!"_

 _Rick had never felt so helpless. So impotent. Frozen._

 _Another bang. A tire blew. Michonne yelled something and then the line went dead._

* * *

"There's a strip mall up ahead, we should check it out," Michonne pointed to the sign they passed and Ryan smiled, slowing the RV.

"Good, cause I needed to stop anyway," he replied meekly and she snorted.

"Sorry… you shoulda told me."

"We need to get to DC before dark… let's see what we got here." He paused at the entrance to the mostly empty parking lot, strewn with rusty shopping carts and a couple of abandoned vehicles. There were a number of walkers congregating around a pharmacy towards the end, with several more heading in that direction.

"Shit," Michonne muttered. "We need to get in there."

"Yeah, but how are we gonna deal with that, boss?" Ryan mused.

"Could just be an animal trapped inside? Abe?" Michonne turned to see Abraham and Sasha whispering quietly in the back while Sasha snuggled with Judith. "Abe!"

"What?" He sounded annoyed by the interruption but when she signaled him to come up front, he sighed and flashed Sasha a smile, caressing her chin quickly before he came up with the others. "What's going on?"

"We've got walkers gathering by that pharmacy… looks pretty recent."

Abraham assessed the situation and motioned to a spot further away. "Ok, pull in there and the three of us will take care of it. Ryan, you'll need to stay here with the kids so we can make a quick escape while Michonne sneaks in and checks the inventory. Sasha will keep watch up top."

"Sounds good," Michonne patted him on the back and went to inform Sasha while Ryan pulled the RV slowly into the parking lot.

"You gonna be okay leaving them alone for a while?" Sasha asked, somewhat cheekily, looking down to Judith.

"I'll be fine," Michonne muttered. "They're in good hands… So what's going on with Abraham?"

Sasha glanced up from her weapon and blushed. "Nothing worth discussing in front of the little ones."

"Seriously?" The coy look on Sasha's face told Michonne all she needed to know and she could not help but laugh. "When?"

"Earlier today."

"Today! Where could you two have possibly…" Recalling their stop along the highway earlier that morning, she remembered that Sasha and Abraham had slipped away to patrol the area together. "Ah, I see… so?"

Sasha grinned, returning to her rifle. "He has some really great upper body strength."

"Sasha!"

"What?" Laughing with Michonne, she motioned to the front where Tyrese was handing out Abraham and Ryan their weapons. "Have you seen him?"

"Yes, I have… I'm happy for your, Sasha." She stood up and grabbed her katana, adjusting it to her back. "At least one of us is enjoying themselves."

Sasha fixed Michonne with a pointed look. "Not just me. I saw the way you and Ryan were today."

She was surprised to see Michonne's face fall at that statement and as soon as the RV rolled to a stop, she set down Judith, waiting for the mother to speak her mind.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, Sasha."

"Why? You clearly care about him," she pointed out. "And I'm pretty sure he's in love with you at this point."

Sasha's words seemed to distress Michonne even more and it dawned on her what the issue was. "You're still having those dreams, aren't you?" When Michonne refused to answer, Sasha sat up straighter. "You told me you stopped having them."

"I didn't want to talk about it anymore." Michonne shifted and sighed. "I gotta go. You should head up to the roof."

"I'm sorry, Michonne."

"For what?"

Picking up her rifle, Sasha turned to face her friend. "For the first time in months I was happy today, Michonne… Abe makes me happy… I just want you to be happy."

The two women smiled at each other and Michonne nodded in appreciation before leaving the RV with Tyrese and Abraham. Ryan went to the back to secure Andre and Judith in case of the need for a rapid escape while Sasha climbed on top of the RV, laying out a blanket and setting up her rifle.

The group of three headed straight for the pharmacy, Michonne's anxiety about Judith's health pushing them to attempt entry into the surrounded storefront.

"The back door's blocked, but there may be a way to get in from the roof," Michonne informed them after casing the area. "I can get up there."

Tyrese frowned. "There's probably some in there, and one just got in… definitely going to need a distraction to lure them away." He motioned to the nearest abandoned vehicle. "Abe, you think we could light that thing up? Draw the walkers?"

Abraham grinned. "Abso-fucking-lutely." He pulled out a flare from his pack and looked at Michonne. "We'll wait til you're up there before we make our move. This'll buy you ten maybe fifteen minutes before we got too many to deal with. You fire a shot if you're in trouble okay?"

Michonne nodded and disappeared quickly behind the building, leaving Abraham and Tyrese to wait below. Before they knew it, she was up on the roof, waving for them to head to the car and motioning for Sasha to keep watch.

Taking a deep breath, she yanked open the vent, kicked out the fan and grating before waiting, listening carefully. She heard some shuffling, but didn't see anything when she peered into the dark pharmacy.

 _There's definitely something inside_ , she mused, finding a proper angle to drop in before she hopped down, grunting when she landed on a shelf and quickly pulling her katana, glancing around for signs of movement. Instantly she was beset upon by three walkers, grabbing up at her from the ground, gnashing and snarling. Dispatching them quickly, she moved along the top of the shelf towards the front, poking out two more walkers before she reached the makeshift barricade that the walkers were slowly squeezing through. Sheathing her katana, she shoved another shelf in front of the door, using her weight to secure it close.

Examining the barricade, Michonne realized it was made of materials that would have been at the front of the store at the time and fresh blood splattered around, leaving a trail towards the prescription room. As she headed towards the back, she stopped by the cold remedies section, dismayed to find very little but some gummi vitamins and VapoRub. There were a couple of loose Tylenol that she snatched off the ground, but most of what she needed had already been taken. Whimpering from the back kept her from searching for anything that would help alleviate Judith's symptoms until she reached the first aisle closest to the door leading directly to the back.

Unsheathing her katana, Michonne eased across the floor silently, holding her breath as she approached the backroom. When she reached the door, she wiggled the knob, found it locked, and then went to peer behind the opening where the prescription drugs should be.

Within a matter of seconds, she found herself face to face with a bearded man, her katana to his throat while his gun aimed at her face. The blood dripping down his face and how he wavered indicated he was hurt and despite his quickness, there seemed to be a reluctance to hurt her. Behind him, she caught sight of three children huddled in the corner, eyes wide with fear.

"Uncle Paul!" the eldest girl cried, causing Michonne to hesitate. The man noticed and made a split second decision, turning his wrist to point the gun away, and backing up, holding up his other hand.

"Hi."

Michonne glanced over at the kids again and kept her katana raised. "Drop the gun and back away," she ordered, watching him obey before she hopped the counter and grabbed the weapon, watching the four carefully. She pointed to his bleeding side. "That from the dead?"

He shook his head. "No, worse… from the living," he admitted, pointing to the ceiling. "You stole my idea of how to get out," he added in a strange attempt at humor.

"What are you doing here? What happened?"

"Uncle Paul," one boy whimpered, eyes still fixed on Michonne's sword.

The man calmly backed towards them and offered them a smile. "It's okay, Caleb, it's gonna be okay… this nice lady isn't gonna hurt us."

"Don't be so sure," Michonne muttered and the man sighed, his eyes darkening.

"Look, we don't have much time," he informed her. "I don't know who you are, but I don't want to hurt you, I'm just trying to protect these kids. I'm being followed by some really bad people who will actually hurt these kids if they find us and they could be here any minute." He winced and grabbed his side. "And I think I'm gonna need your help getting them out of here."

The wheels churned frantically in her head, weighing the pros and cons of believing the man in front of her and the outcomes if she made the wrong move.

"Where are you taking them?" she demanded. "Where are you from?"

She saw it flash in his eyes. His own calculation about her and whether or not to trust her. He was worried about the children in his care.

"We… we have a community… I could take you there, if you help me get out of here."

"Do you have medicine? A doctor?"

The desperation in her eyes let the man in on her own perilous situation and he nodded quickly. "Yeah… a place called the Hilltop… we have a doctor there."

"Who's after you?"

"Group called the Saviors… I'll explain everything when we get out, we don't have much time. They kidnapped the kids to get us to yield, but I managed to get them back. Please…"

Michonne took a deep breath and made a decision.

"Fine," she sheathed her weapon before pocketing his gun and pulling out a zip tie. "We'll see if you're telling the truth."

He smiled, allowing her to cuff him. "Fair enough… come on, kids, let's get out of here."

She helped them get over the counter and led the way to the front of the store where there were considerably less walkers than when they had entered.

"Wait one minute," she whispered.

"You have friends," Paul realized.

"Yeah, I do…"

He watched her for a moment, impressed by her fortitude in such a stressful situation. He wondered what drove a katana wielding to risk so much to drop into an infested pharmacy in the first place.

"I'm Paul Rovia. You?"

"Michonne." She paused and moved over to where he was, leaning against a shelf, breathing shallow and labored. "Paul, my children are out there," she whispered so only he could hear. "So I understand your dilemma, but if you are in any way lying to me, I will take your fucking head off."

Paul nodded, the seriousness in her eyes causing him to shiver a little. "I'm from the Hilltop… we're part of a network of communities, with the Kingdom and the Alexandria Safe Zone. We're currently at war with a man named Negan and his Saviors… I can take you to a safe place at the Hilltop… but if you come with me, you need to know that you're gonna get involved in the war, whether you want to or not… I'm sorry."

Michonne stared at him for the longest time, surprised by such level of honesty.

Was it honesty? Or was it a trick?

 _Michonne… take a breath…_

The cowboy's voice washed over her and shocked her back to life in an instant.

"Let's go to the Hilltop."

* * *

 **A/N: So next chapter will definitely be the chapter. Life's taken them down different paths since the turn, but Michonne and Rick will collide. Be ready!**

 **Thank you all so much for waiting patiently for this installment. I realize it's been a while since the last update, so I appreciate those who stuck with me through it. Your readership is loved! THANK YOU!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So this chapter has gone through so many different versions since the inception of this story, it's insane. There are so many different ways I saw this all playing out, I think I have six or seven meetings actually written out that will never see the light of day. I'm not sure if this is the best version, but it was the right version for how the story unfolded. I'm interested to read your thoughts, so please enjoy!**

* * *

"What are your names?"

After some brief arguing and intrusive interrogating, Michonne's group agreed to take Jesus and the children back to Hilltop. Judith was getting worse, leaving little room to negotiate with Michonne on the subject. Tyrese and Sasha kept watch over Jesus and the children with Michonne while Ryan stayed in the back with Andre and Judith.

The eldest girl motioned to herself. "I'm Raquel. This is my brother Alex." She then pointed to the other little girl. "That's Elle."

"You're all from Hilltop?"

Raquel shook her head. "We're from the Safe Zone."

"Then why are we going to the Hilltop?" Sasha asked while Michonne eyed Jesus tensely.

"The Hilltop's closer," Jesus replied simply, pointing to the map again. "It's the safest place for us to regroup and get them medical attention."

"So there's the Hilltop, the Kingdom, and then the Safe Zone?"

"The Alexandria Safe Zone," Alex corrected, earning him an impatient look from Sasha and a smile from Jesus.

"Why are you fighting?" Michonne asked quietly.

The man shifted a bit, his eyes glazing over with a mixture of anger and sadness. "A few months into the turn, the Saviors showed up. We were pretty well fortified against the walkers, but we didn't have many weapons and Negan showed up with a ton of guns… sort of demanded that we work for him, give him food, supplies. Our leader, Gregory…" Michonne caught the disgust in his voice. "He just rolled over and took it. We found out later they were doing the same thing to the Kingdom. For the most part it kinda worked, though recently they started asking for more."

"What changed?"

"Alexandria. Their old leader, Deanna, was like King Ezekiel. Kept her people safe, but didn't let them know about the arrangement with the Saviors. A little while back, this other group shows up, like you, just appear out of nowhere, but fighters. Two days ago, things sorta came to a head at the Safe Zone. Deanna was killed and the new leader, Rick, his son was shot. He's alive, but I think Rick had enough." Jesus sighed. "We'd all had enough, but he actually declared war."

"Sounds like a loose cannon," Sasha muttered.

Shrugging, Jesus motioned to the children. "The Saviors have done horrible things and we all just sort of tolerated it to survive… Rick said his wife would want him to do more than just survive, she'd want him to live." Jesus smiled. "That's what we're fighting for now."

Sasha and Michonne exchanged glances, the wheels turning in both their brains as they digested the information. The idea of so many communities managing to exist after the turn was staggering in and of itself, but the fact that they were fighting amongst themselves felt strangely amusing.

Humans never change.

"Hot fucking damn," Abraham announced once the Hilltop came into view, prompting the others to hurry to the front of the RV to see the tall wooden walls and the large, imposing house that stood beyond them.

"People live there," Sasha gasped with excitement, reaching out to take her brother's arm. "People…"

Michonne kept her eyes on Jesus as he taught Andre how to slip out of a zip tie. The other children returned to cooing over Judith, who enjoyed the attention.

"You were telling the truth… at least about the place."

Jesus looked up and shrugged, catching her arched tone. "You'll see inside soon enough." Observing her face, he shifted, setting down the zip tie they were working with. "These people are my family, Michonne. I've bled for them and I would give my life for them. I'm taking a chance here too."

She watched Andre mess around with the zip tie for a little bit. "I know."

"Oy! Jesus Christ!" Abraham called. "Get up here and handle this gate."

Their eyes met. Michonne pulled out a knife and reached over, cutting Jesus' bonds and inclining her head towards the front.

"You get one chance in this life now," she reminded him and he smiled.

"You're about to have a new life, Michonne… kids, stay here, I'll be back in a minute," he added, following Abraham and Sasha outside while Ryan kept the RV running and Michonne waited with the kids. There was some shouting back and forth before Sasha returned.

"Michonne, come on!"

Michonne picked up Judith and grabbed Andre's hand, hurrying out to keep pace with Jesus as the gates were opened. Just as they were climbing the hill, greeted by several friendly faces, an older gentleman, sharply dressed for such a world, approached them, already angry.

"Jesus, what the hell is this? Where the hell have you been?"

"I went to the Sanctuary to get the kids Shane and Daryl-"

"You went to the Sanctuary and brought them _here_?!" Gregory squealed, eyes bulging and mouth foaming in such a way that took Michonne by surprise. "Do you know what they'll do to us? I told you we were staying out of this-"

"We promised Ezekiel and Rick that we would help them-"

Gregory shook his head. "No! _You_ promised. I promised _nothing_ and the Hilltop _was not_ involved in whatever the hell you just did. They're gonna come here… I told you we should have compromised, but now," he hissed, catching sight of the rest of Michonne's group coming through the gate. "Who the hell are they?!"

Michonne let go of Andre's hand briefly to hold it out. "My name is Michon-"

"I was not speaking to you, Missy."

Jesus stepped forward before Michonne could respond.

"Michonne saved our lives, Gregory and she and her group are staying here," he snapped, pointing towards one of the trailers. "I'm taking her to Dr. Carson."

Gregory moved to block their way. "I don't think so-"

Michonne whipped out her katana, pressing the end of the blade to his neck, causing those in the vicinity to gasp and back away in surprise.

"You're gonna get outta my way right now… or you're gonna donate blood."

The community fell into a hushed silence. No one moved or said a word in the man's defense. Behind her, Sasha, Tyrese, Abe, and Ryan fingered their guns, holding their breath while Gregory gaped and turned sheet white. Jesus took Andre's hand and quietly moved around the trembling Hilltop leader, motioning for Michonne to follow him.

"Dr. Carson's this way."

Sasha came up to Michonne's side and tapped her shoulder, encouraging the woman to follow Jesus further up the hill while the others waited with the leader. Sheathing her katana, Michonne pulled Judith tighter to her and hurried after Jesus into a trailer where an older man sat writing at a desk.

"Jesus! Where the hell have you been?" The man asked, pulling Jesus into a hug while Michonne rested Judith down on the examining bed and picked Andre up to sit next to her. "I heard you'd gone off after those kids-"

"Yeah, they're safe, everyone's safe," Jesus assured him, motioning to Michonne. "This is Michonne, she helped me get them here. Dr. Carson, her daughter needs medical attention right now, please."

The urgency in his voice drew the doctor to Judith.

"Of course! Let's get this little girl well." He began examining the baby and Jesus moved to leave.

"I'm gonna go talk to Gregory," he explained quietly to Michonne, catching the look in her eyes. "He's not the most accommodating person, but I'll talk to him. After what you did for me and the kids, you deserve to stay here."

"Paul, thank you."

He smiled. "New life. New world."

Michonne watched him leave before turning to Judith, while Andre crowded around the doctor, questioning the man as he worked.

"I'm taking her temperature," Dr. Carson replied, noting Michonne's worried expression that mirrored the little boy's concerned hovering about his sister. "She's running a fever…" Pulling out an IV bag and hooking it up to the stand, he motioned for Michonne to help with the fussy girl.

"Shhh, I know," Michonne cooed as Judith whimpered upon seeing the needle. "I know, I'm sorry baby. I know it hurts."

Dr. Nelson finished and grabbed a blanket, covering Judith.

"How is she?"

"Dehydrated, which is common. It looks like a cold, which is easy to treat." He offered the mother a smile. "You did everything you could to keep your daughter safe and alive and trust me, it could have been much worse. She's getting proper antibiotics and she'll be fine, Michonne," he assured her before he turned to Andre.

"Your turn, young man," he smiled, lifting Andre up to the end of the examination bed and checking his eyes, ears, and nose thoroughly. "What's your name?"

"Andre."

"Hi Andre, nice to meet you… Do you have any pains? Does anything hurt, Andre?"

"No."

As Dr. Carson continued his examination, Ryan entered the trailer with the other children.

"How is she?" Ryan immediately asked, approaching Michonne while she tucked Judith in.

"He's treating her." She watched the other children before looking out the window to see Jesus engaging with Gregory. "What's going on out there?"

Ryan rolled his eyes. "That man, Gregory, he wants us gone. He's still freaking out… Jesus is trying to convince him otherwise."

Michonne frowned. "You think we're safe here?"

"You are," Dr. Carson interjected, drawing their attention. "Gregory's an ass, but ever since the war started, he's been acting all weasily, more than usual anyway, no one trusts him… Jesus sort of took over for us, so even if Gregory doesn't want you here, he'll make sure you stay. I will."

"You don't know us," Ryan pointed out and Dr. Carson shrugged, motioning to the children.

"You helped save the children and Jesus vouches for you. That means a lot in this world," he admitted, offering Andre a powerbar. "Is he allergic to peanuts?"

"No… Dr. Carson, thank you," Michonne replied sincerely. "I can't tell you how much this means…"

The doctor waved his hand, cutting her off with a wide smile. "No need, I would never deny a child medical attention and you helped these children and Jesus, we owe you more than this… I'm just sorry you came at such a bad time."

"The Saviors?"

"They'll stop by eventually, since Jesus got the kids." He motioned to the couch in the corner and the other examination bed, offering Michonne a couple of blankets. "I'm sure we'll find space for you eventually, but if you want to get some rest here with Judith… she should stay here for the next couple of days so I can observe her and make sure she recovers."

She took the blankets, but remained by Judith's side. "Thank you."

Dr. Carson huffed. "Michonne, it's my medical opinion that you lie down," he encouraged. "Please. I'm not going anywhere, Judith will be well looked after."

Michonne glanced over at Ryan, who smiled and nodded towards the couch.

"You look like you're about to fall over," he agreed. "We're safe, Michonne… take a breath and get some rest."

For a moment Michonne hesitated, her mind flashing back to the cowboy's words from her dream. Her heart fluttered, but she swallowed any urge to react. Instead she kissed Judith and carried Andre over to the couch, unable to ignore the exhaustion that fell upon her once the stress of worrying over Judith had subsided.

As she wrapped Andre up in a blanket, laying him down, she heard Dr. Carson move the children to the other side of the trailer so that they would be less disruptive. Ryan sat down at the desk near Judith, providing Michonne with some comfort as she listened to Andre munch on his bar.

"Mommy, are we staying here?"

Nodding, she kissed his cheek. "For now, at least…" She curled up with him, her gaze meeting Ryan's. 'Thank you,' she mouthed and he shrugged, replying with a silent, imploring 'sleep'.

Her eyes drooped and within seconds she was fast asleep.

* * *

 _"Daddy!"_

 _"There he is!" Michonne watched as the tall, handsome man on the stoop scooped up Andre and hugged him tightly. He across the restaurant and took Andre's bag from her. "Oh, buddy look at how big you're getting. Hey 'Chonne, how are you?"_

 _"Great, I hope you weren't waiting too long," she replied, giving him a kiss on the cheek before sitting down at the table, placing Judith's carrier on the chair between them._

 _"No, I actually just got here, there was some sort of incident downtown that stalled traffic for a while."_

 _"Yeah, I know, I heard on the radio. Everything okay?"_

 _"I think so… just some weird shit going on."_

 _"The kids," she scolded, nudging him as the waitress came over and greeted them._

 _"Can I get you anything to drink while you look through the menus?" the young lady inquired._

 _"Just water, thank you. An orange juice for him," Michonne ordered as she fiddled with Judith's shirt._

 _"Water for me as well, thank you!" the man added. When the waitress left, he turned to Michonne and smiled. "She's gotten much bigger since the last time I saw her. What're you two feeding her?"_

 _"Breastmilk," Michonne responded with a smile. "How've you been?"_

 _"Exhausted, honestly. We've been overloaded complaints we can barely keep up. No offense to Officer Friendly, but Atlanta PD's been screwing up a lot lately." The man fixed her with a warm smirk. "Wish you were still working with us 'Chonne."_

 _"He's not Atlanta PD and I think I'm best where I am… we're monitoring the situation from where we are - Judith, here." She pulled the cutlery out of the baby's little fingers and offered her rattle. "There you go."_

 _The man observed her for a minute or two as she fussed over the girl before she caught him laughing to himself._

 _"What?"_

 _"Nothing… I'm just remembering when you had Andre. You're the exact same way with her. And she looks exactly like Andre when he was that age. All those damn kinks."_

 _Michonne laughed, reaching out to ruffle the girl's little afro. "Mom keeps asking if I'm gonna press it at some point."_

 _"After what you did with your hair? Seriously?"_

 _"You know how she is. I can't wait to-"_

 _The crash of dishes briefly silenced the entire dining room as all eyes fell upon a couple of waiters hovering over a collapsed patron._

 _"Dalia! Dalia, oh my god, are you okay?!" A woman cried, running across the room to where the commotion seemed to be escalating quickly._

 _"Daddy, what's wrong?" Andre inquired, craning his neck to see._

 _The man shook his head. "I don't know… I'm sure it's fine," he muttered, but the woman continued to wail, prompting the manager to appear. More hovering and whispering before the manager went to the phone._

 _"DALIA NO!"_

 _"Jesus," Michonne gasped, glancing down at Judith, who looked agitated. Andre was now standing up in his chair to get a better look. "Maybe we should leave. The kids shouldn't see this."_

 _Her companion nodded and got up. "I'll go find our waitress."_

 _"Mommy," Andre whimpered as the crying continued and she pulled him over onto her lap._

 _"It's okay, baby. I'll explain once we're in the car… Daddy's gonna be back in a minute." Michonne checked the time and sighed. They would have to find another place to eat._

 _"Hey! What the hell?!"_

 _"OH MY GOD!"_

 _Screaming erupted and Michonne stood up, searching desperately for the origin._

 _"Dalia, how - NO! NO! AHHH!"_

 _The next moment, Michonne saw the collapsed woman lunging on top of her friend, blood splattered everywhere. The manager and her companion attempted to pull the woman off, but they were attacked instead._

 _"MIKE! MIKE!" she cried as many in the immediate vicinity evacuated the restaurant. She picked Judith up and helped Andre to the ground, grabbing a knife. "Stay behind me Andre."_

 _"Michonne! Let's go!" Mike scrambled away from the ensuing fight, scooping up Andre and shoving them towards the front door. "We need to get out of here."_

 _"Are you okay? What happened? Mike!"_

 _"I'm fine, we just need to get home-"_

 _A crowd of frightened patrons surged, separating Michonne from her companion and son._

 _"Mike! Mike!"_

 _They fell into the street, one man was struck by a car. Sirens wailed in the distance, but in the road the crowd multiplied almost instantly, roiling in panic._

 _"MOMMY!"_

 _Michonne shoved her way through hysterical bodies, fighting her way back to Andre's voice. "Mike!"_

 _The crowd split._

 _Michonne couldn't breathe._

 _The sidewalk gleamed with freshly spilled blood. Skin strewn here and there, pulled from the tiny form by Mike. Head down, he tore through what was left of her son, shoving entrails greedily into a gnashing mouth._

 _"No… Andre," she whimpered, nearly dropping Judith as she stood paralyzed. "An-"_

 _"MICHONNE!"_

 _Her cowboy stood inside the restaurant, pounding on the glass._

 _"MICHONNE! WHERE ARE YOU?!"_

 _She wanted to die._

 _"MICHONNE!"_

"Michonne!"

Startled into consciousness, Michonne gasped for air as Dr. Carson steadied her. "Quiet… We have a problem," he hissed, pointing out the window as a blaring horn sounded in the area.

"Oh my God."

Walkers swarmed the Hilltop grounds, ambling in from a truck blocking the open gate. Michonne looked around the trailer and found the children huddled in the far corner of the trailer away from the windows while Judith remained on the examination table, sleeping.

"What the hell happened?" Michonne demanded, quietly moving around to get a better look. She could not see the guards at the gate, just the fortified car sat midway up the incline, its horn drawing more into the community.

"The gate just opened and a Savior drove it in," Dr. Carson told her just as another explosion went off, prompting the younger children to scream, drawing the attention of nearby walkers outside. The front of the Hilltop erupted in gunfire and saw Jesus and several others firing from the Barrington House balcony.

"We can't stay here," she whispered. "Where's Ryan?"

"He'd gone out to see what happened… I don't know."

Michonne swallowed her concern for Ryan, the immediate concern being the walkers beginning to crowd around the outside, causing the sturdy door to bend. "Okay…" She looked around and spotted the little access panel on the ceiling. "We're going up."

"We'll be out in the open."

"That door won't last long enough for us to stop what's going on out there," Michonne snapped back. "We either get up on the roof or we get eaten in here."

The reality of their choices prompted Dr. Carson to help move furniture around so that they could reach up and open the panel. "Here, I'll help you up and then hand the kids up to you."

Michonne nodded, surprised by the doctor's strength as he lifted her up. Grabbing the rim, she pulled herself up, gasping as she rolled out onto the roof.

"Michonne!"

"Sasha! Oh thank God!" Michonne waved at her friends, who also managed to pull themselves up onto their trailer roof.

"Are the kids okay?!" Tyrese asked as Abe tried to get the attention of those at Barrington House.

"Give me a minute!" Michonne crouched down and saw Dr. Carson waiting with Raquel.

"Up you go!"

Michonne easily pulled the young girl up onto the roof before she reached back in for Judith.

"Careful! Take her IV first," he gently tossed it up and she caught it, handing it to Raquel before she leaned into the hole to take Judith.

"Baby, hold onto my neck. Hold on tight," she instructed the groggy baby, as she used one arm to leverage herself back up onto the roof. "Hold her tightly…. Andre, you're next baby. Hurry up!"

It took a few minutes to get the other children to the roof before Raquel and Michonne managed to haul Dr. Carson up. By that point, quite a few Hilltop members were on their own roofs, either helping with the firefight at the gate, or panicking about the walkers flooding the grounds.

"We need to get them to the house, we're too exposed up here," Michonne huffed before waving at Sasha. "We need to stop that horn!"

Sasha looked around for a bit and then held up her hand. "I got it! Abe, cover me!" They watched as she shot a few walkers near the trailer before jumping down and sprinting for a nearby tractor.

"The gate!" Jesus yelled from the balcony. "We need to close the gate!"

The moment Sasha made it to the tractor, Abe and Tyrese managed off the roof and began fighting their way towards the gate, where the guards were overwhelmed by the Saviors outside. Jesus hopped off the balcony, shimmying down one of the pillars to help them fight through the hordes, inspiring others from the Hilltop to join as Sasha drove the tractor towards the offending car.

Michonne's mind had already formulated an action plan, but it was wildly dangerous. She needed to ensure her children were safe.

"Michonne!"

She turned to see Ryan waving at her from the next trailer. Releasing a sigh of relief, she motioned to the walkers below.

"Ryan! I need your help with these walkers! We need to get the kids off this roof!"

"Got it!"

Michonne nodded, turning to Dr. Nelson. "When he clears the area, I need you both to take the kids to the house."

"Where the hell are you going?"

"Over the wall… even if they close that gate, those Saviors clearly have more firepower. They could get back in quickly. I need to get on the outside," Michonne muttered, pulling out her revolver and handing it to him. "You need to get them up there and keep them away from the windows."

"You're really going out there?"

"Can you get over that wall?" she hissed and he shook his head. "Then you're going to protect these kids. Can you use this?"

Dr. Carson nodded, taking the revolver from her. "I'll protect them with my life, I promise you."

Her eyes hardened while she ushered them to the far side of the trailer where less walkers were gathered. "You better, cause if I come back and either of them are hurt or missing, I swear to God I'll kill you myself." Without waiting for a response, she pressed a kiss to Judith's forehead and pulled Andre into a crushing embrace. "I love you."

"Mommy, where are you going?"

"I have to go stop the bad men," she whispered. "But I'll be back. I'll be back soon, okay? Listen to Dr. Carson and get to the house."

"Mommy," Andre cried, refusing to let her go. He jumped when another grenade went off and she fought back tears of her own.

"I promise you, I will be back. I have to go, baby, I'm sorry, I have to go help them," she rasped, prying him off and gently pushing him towards Dr. Carson. "I'll be back."

"Michonne!" Ryan yelled just as she waved at them.

"Get them to the house!"

"Michonne, wait!

Before anyone could stop her, Michonne jumped, rolling along the ground into a low sprint. Unsheathing her katana, she sliced her way through seven walkers, leaping and scrambling up the wooden walls, ignoring the splinters digging into her fingers as she climbed. When she was high enough to avoid being grabbed, she turned to see Ryan clearing a path to help Dr. Carson get the children down from the roof. Sending up a silent prayer, Michonne made it up the rest of the way and over the wall, dropping into wet grass and swiftly moving along the wall towards the front.

A box truck blocked the entrance, with walkers stumbling down the ramp into Hilltop. Several men and women hid behind the van and a couple of other vehicles, shooting up at the walls and into the community, pinning down those inside attempting to help.

One of the men, wielding a barbed baseball bat and spewing lewd comments with glee, pulled another grenade out of a bag resting in front of him and unpinned it, lobbing it into Hilltop.

Moving in closer, Michonne finally got a better count of the attackers and found the weak link, one of two Saviors in the back near the tree line, keeping an eye out for walkers drawn out from the woods by the firefight. Between them were more walkers than Michonne anticipated and she knew she could not deal with them without drawing attention to herself. Slicing up a nearby walker, she reluctantly covered herself in entrails and rancid blood, sheathed her katana and pulled the body over her before she took off across the field towards the lookouts. She circled around towards him, keeping low to the grass and darting around the groaning abominations towards the unfortunate young man whirling around a machete to fulfill his assignment.

Pausing amongst the walkers, she took one last moment to assess the situation.

The bat wielder tossed another grenade. Screams erupted from Hilltop and the guards on the wall disappeared.

A shattering collision of metal and glass momentarily shook the walls before the wailing horn ceased, causing those outside to rush the gate.

That distraction was all she needed. The young man turned to see what was happening and she struck, lodging her katana through his vocal cords before she lunged forward, slowing his collapse as she eased the blade out of him. She removed the AR-15 hanging from his shoulder and sprinted over to the other Savior, quickly dispatching the older woman before she realized her companion was dead. Michonne grabbed the woman's Uzi and a small revolver before ducking behind the back car.

"HEY JESUS! GIVE MY REGARDS TO RICK GR-"

Red hot bullets mowed down most of the Saviors from behind. Seven or eight escaped Michonne's initial onslaught, which lasted less than a minute before both of her stolen weapons were empty. Using their surprise, Michonne rushed between vehicles, finding two Saviors hiding near the box truck. Whirling around, she chopped off a hand, sliced through a neck, and speared the surviving man. Grabbing their guns, she slid behind a van to avoid a barrage of fire from the bat wielder.

"Jesus fucking Christ, who the fucking shit was that?!"

As the Saviors regrouped on the other side of the van, Michonne strained to see if there was anyone on the wall to assist her. All she saw was burning wood.

"I ain't got time for this bullshit!"

The cacophony of screams, gunfire, and splintering, burning wood covered the immediate actions of the leader behind her, but she managed to spot the round green orb as it rolled under the van, resting near her feet.

"Shit!"

Michonne dove into the trees, knocking down several walkers as the grenade detonated, spraying debris and van parts everywhere. For a moment the world spun and her body refused to cooperate, writhing in a pile of walkers, held down by a van door. Despite the painful ringing in her ear, Michonne clawed her way out of the wriggling mass, uninterested in checking herself for wounds as she headed straight back towards the burning van. A Savior appeared around the side and she shot him, missing his head, but managing to graze his knee as she stumbled back up onto the road. Just as he aimed to shoot her, she managed to swing the katana up, slicing lightly across his chest before cleaving his arm and leaving him screaming behind her. A man with a machete engaged her briefly. She cut his right hamstring and then stabbed him right through the eye.

"MICHONNE LOOK OUT!"

The back car revved to life, lurching towards her. Michonne jumped out of the way just as Jesus and Abe opened fire from the walls, ending the surprise attack just as the vehicle struck the blazing van behind her. Struggling to her feet, she saw a pick-up truck took off away from the sudden return fire, a leather middle finger Michonne's last view before it disappeared into the night.

The car that tried to hit her squealed in the dirt, caught under the exploded van and unable to escape. Michonne pulled out her revolver and leaned down to see Gregory behind the driver's seat, freaking out about the walkers coming up to the car as he tried to back up.

Rolling her eyes, she moved around towards the driver's side, easily dropping the crowding walkers before she yanked open the door and dragged the sniveling man out.

"Wait! Wait! Wait!" he cried. "They made me do it! They made me-"

Michonne raised the gun to his head, shutting him up. "They dressed you up, kidnapped you without anyone noticing, and kept you in the driver's seat of this car without any bonds or guard because they _forced_ you to betray your people and get innocent people killed?"

His eyes narrowed. "You have nothing to do with this. You're not one of us," he snarled. "You have no idea who the Saviors are and you have absolutely _no right_ to judge me. These are my people! I was trying to save them from a fate worse than-"

Michonne punched him in the face and sighed, hauling him to his feet as he bled and cried profusely from his broken nose. "You're right, I have nothing to do with this, so I don't give a shit about your goddamn excuses," she muttered. "I'll let you explain this to the ones you betrayed."

"Michonne! Are you okay?!" Abe called from the wall as Tyrese and several other Hilltop members came passed the van at the gate to assess the situation and see if any of the remaining Saviors were still alive.

"Fine," she lied, shoving Gregory into the arms of startled women. "Is there a place to hold him?"

One woman managed to get over her shock quickly and nodded, glaring daggers at her leader. "Yeah… we've gotta place for him…"

Michonne let them take the man before she moved up to the gate to see that the Hilltop members were slowly but steadily taking out the remaining walkers while Sasha drove the tractor down towards the gate. Relieved to see her friends alive, she rushed up to Barrington House, barely hearing the words of thanks being shouted to her by Hilltop members.

"Andre!" she shouted in the foyer. "Judith!"

"Here! We're all safe!" Dr. Carson called, emerging at the top of the stairs with Judith in his arms. "We're all safe! They're up here with everyone who couldn't fight. They're okay."

Tears stung her eyes as she bent over on her knees, gasping in relief at the sight of her crying daughter. The fear, the guilt, all of it washed over her in waves, leaving her momentarily unable to breathe.

"Are you okay?" Dr. Carson demanded, seeing out bloody she was. "Oh my God, are you-"

"It's fine," she snapped, surprising him and herself. She had not yet assessed herself since being under the walker pile and she feared getting checked in front of her child. If something had happened, it was too late to do anything about it, so she decided against worrying about it. The wall was still down and the threat was still real.

"It's walker guts," she told him. "But if you can come down and take care of some of the others?"

Dr. Carson nodded urgently. "Of course! I'll be down in a minute," he answered before disappearing down the hall with Judith. Michonne took a deep breath, summoning what little reserve energy she had left before she hurried back outside, heading down to the gate where others were starting to gather.

"You all saved our asses tonight," Jesus proclaimed breathlessly as she approached. "Sasha, Michonne, you two…" He could barely come up with the proper words of thanks and Sasha shook her head.

"It's the least we could do after you took us in."

Jesus snorted and pointed to the car then the carnage outside the wall. "No, not that… you didn't have to do _any_ of that," he insisted, turning to Michonne. "You especially… with your kids… you could have been killed."

Michonne shrugged, wincing slightly as she sheathed her katana. "I did it for my kids," she replied plainly, looking around them. "We need this place as much as you do."

Jesus nodded, understanding completely where she was coming from. He almost smiled at how much she reminded him of Rick. "Well thank you… all of you… I'm sorry this was your first day, but on behalf of the Hilltop, thank you so much." He looked up at Gregory's retreating body. "And believe me, you won't have to worry about staying or him. We saw him open the gate."

Abe frowned. "Will they be back tonight?"

"I don't know… maybe. Negan's never been one to just let things go."

"Then we need to make their next attack harder," Michonne asserted, pointing to the van as a few other Hilltop members gathered around the small group. "We'll use that to block the hole until we fix the gate…." Her mind flashed to the bat wielding leader and she looked around. "Do we have any barbed wire?"

"We have some from the Kingdom," a woman replied and Michonne pointed to her. "Then can you gather what's available and nail it to planks of wood. We'll use that to line the road, make it harder for them to drive vehicles up here until we can repair our defenses."

A wave of relief washed over Jesus as he watched Michonne quietly, yet firmly issue orders to those around her on how to deal with the immediate concerns. More guards were posted outside the wall as a party was dispatched to deal with the abandoned vehicles and burning van. Another began helping bring casualties to two separate trailers; one for those who had been bit and one for those who had been otherwise injured. Sasha aided in gathering up walker bodies within the walls while Ryan emerged from Barrington House to help put out the remaining fires.

"You're sure you're okay?" a young woman implored, worrying over Michonne's bloody state.

"Thank you, I'm fine. It's not my blood," she insisted with a weak smile. "I did this myself, I promise I'm fine."

The woman exchanged glances with Jesus before she walked away, leaving the two alone on the slope. Jesus chose against commenting on Michonne's physical state, having been in the same position on a few occasions himself.

"I always had a bad feeling about Gregory after this war started," he revealed quietly. When she frowned he pointed up to the house. "He's been on edge since Rick declared war, talking about truces despite what Negan's done to our people. But I never really thought he would turn on us, opening the gate, leading Negan right here. Then tonight… We have a radio in there to communicate with the Kingdom and Alexandria. When this all started, it was damaged so we couldn't call out…"

"What will happen to him?"

Jesus shrugged. "I don't know… we don't really have a long-term jail and this is all new territory, so I'm not sure how…" He stopped that train of thought, not needing to bog her down with those details. It would be something to be discussed at a different time.

"Jesus!"

They turned to see a young man coming up the hill, waving for his attention.

"Jesus, Sarah told me what happened, are you okay?"

"Glenn! What are you doing here?"

"The Saviors tried to attack Alexandria," he answered, still looking around to assess the Hilltop's situation. "We're okay, we're okay, but we couldn't get you on the radio, Rick sent me, Rosita, Aaron and Daryl. Dwight told us Negan was gonna try to do some sort of coordinated counter after we hit their other outposts… um… hi-"

"Michonne," Jesus offered quickly, pointing to the woman. "This is Michonne. She helped us fight Negan."

"Negan was actually here?"

"Yeah… he turned tail though, but he could be heading to one of the other communities."

"The Kingdom was attacked too, so Rick and some of the others went over to help."

Jesus nodded. "Then we need to get to the Kingdom and help them. We can't spare anyone right now, so I'll go with you."

Michonne stepped forward, stopping Jesus from departing with Glenn. "Wait, no. After what happened with Gregory, shouldn't you stay here? They need someone they trust to lead if Negan comes back," she whispered and he snorted.

"I'm not much of leader, Michonne," he admitted while Glenn cautiously hung back, the black woman with a katana, covered in blood and guts admittedly sparking his curiosity. "I never wanted the job and my… position here was never conducive to it… but I think they have someone here already."

The pointed look in his eyes caused her to shake her head. "No-"

"Yeah."

"Paul, you barely know me," she gasped and his eyes lit up.

"Michonne, Gregory was a leader because we all just sort of accepted it and we managed in spite of him, but he was never really a leader… tonight proved that. But you… you went out there. And I know you wanted to protect your kids, but you could have just as easily slipped out of here with them and left us to die in here… you didn't have to do what you did. They all know that and they respect that," he insisted, pointing to the people around them who were following Michonne's orders. "You just did more for these people in twenty minutes than Gregory ever did since we've been here."

Sensing her unease at such a burden being thrust upon her in such a short amount of time, Jesus placed a hand on her shoulder with a smile. "I'll take Abe with me," he told her. "The Kingdom's better fortified than the other communities, so hopefully they're able to deal with the Saviors… we'll help them and then I'll be back and at your service… just, at least hold down the fort while I'm gone. Please?"

Michonne knew the amount of trust he was placing in her and nodded slowly, too tired to argue at this juncture.

This is what she had wanted, a chance for her children to live and now she was thrust right into a position where she was finally in control of making that happen.

"A new world," she whispered and he smiled, nodding and holding out his hand to her.

"A new world."

She took his hand.

"Okay."

* * *

"Ezekiel, if you don't let her check you out, I'm going to sick Shiva on you," Carol snapped, pushing the man back down onto the throne as a nurse tried to sew up a gash along his arm. In the corner, Shiva growled loudly in agreement, causing Rick and Shane to inch closer to Carol's side of the stage.

"Sorry," the nurse apologized instinctively to the tiger while Ezekiel simply sighed in frustration.

"Carol, I promise you I am in good health-"

"Shiva," Carol called and the animal raised her head, rustling the chain.

"Carol, stop it," Shane hissed as he got off the stage and moved back into the auditorium.

"It's okay, she's fine," Carol assured them with a smile.

"Maybe we should come back when you're done," Rick muttered and Ezekiel shook his head.

"No, Rick, my sincerest apologies. My Queen's wisdom often falls on stubborn ears," Ezekiel began, motioning forward. "You also have by deepest gratitude for your aide today. We could not have outlasted the Saviors' siege without your assistance…" He reached out and took Carol's hand, warmly squeezing it. "And my Queen's quick thinking in a moment of chaos."

"Happy to lend our assistance," Shane called.

"How did you get to us so quickly?" Carol asked Rick. "We sent out the call only a few minutes before you arrived."

"Dwight warned us about the attack, so we were able to stop it before they got to Alexandria," Rick explained. "We caught Simon and the others on the road. I sent Glenn and Rosita to the Hilltop with a few others to help them while we came here."

"Shit!" Ezekiel hissed before catching himself and gently pulling his arm out of the startled nurse's grip. "Thank you, Tatiana," he murmured apologetically. "I believe your expertise is best served for the rest of the community. Thank you."

Carol hid a smile as the young woman bowed and hurried out of the auditorium while Rick paced around.

"We need to hit Negan back now," Rick announced as soon as the nurse left. "We need to head over to the Sanctuary and end this."

Exchanging glances with Carol and Shane, Ezekiel stood up and approached Rick. "We declared war and it came to our doorsteps," he began, placing a hand on Rick's shoulder. "Now we must quickly lick our wounds, regroup, and counter before our enemy has a chance to do the same… but we must exercise caution, my friend. If we are too hasty, we will force the same errors as them."

"He's right," Shane agreed, slowly approaching the stage again. Rolling his eyes, he shrugged. "A little long winded, but right. We rushed this once and we don't even know what happened with the Hilltop. We need to regroup."

Carol moved off of the stage, adjusting her armor and grabbing her weapons off of the front row seats. "I'll take Morgan and head over to Hilltop."

"Carol-"

"Your Majesty!" Jerry called, coming into the auditorium. "News from the Hilltop!"

Jesus squeezed passed the right-hand man, hurrying down to greet the others, followed shortly by Jerry, Rosita, and a large redheaded man.

"We were attacked," Jesus announced, cutting Rick off before he could even ask. "Gregory helped Negan open the gate and let walkers in the walls, we almost lost everything."

"Gregory? That fucking coward finally turned tail?" Shane snarled, looking over at Rick. "I told you not to trust him."

Jesus sighed. "Don't worry about him, we managed to drag him back with the help of a few new friends." He caught the distrusting looks Rick and Carol were throwing Abraham's way and motioned behind him. "This is Abraham. Him and his group arrived yesterday and practically saved our lives."

"Nice to meet you," Abraham offered, his eyes fixed firmly on Shiva.

"They helped us stop the attack, but Negan escaped," Jesus continued. "Jerry told us what happened here… what do we do now?"

"We make a plan," Ezekiel announced, coming down from the stage to join the group gathered below. Shane moved between the grey haired leader and Rick, who was growing more agitated by the minute. "We put all of these minds together and we develop a clear, coherent plan of attack that will once and for all vanquish this foe."

"Hopefully a plan that will keep as many of us alive as possible," Shane chimed in, eyeing Abe with a raised brow. "If our new friend has others that look like him, I like our odds."

The two shook hands while Ezekiel whispered something to Carol, who nodded and motioned for the others to follow her.

"Let's go into the other room and discuss next steps. Ezekiel will join us in a bit."

As they moved towards a back room, Shane fell in step with Jesus. "I told you to watch that asshat."

"I honestly didn't think he had it in him to sabotage us and sneak out," Jesus responded tersely.

"Fucker should be shot."

"Shane," Glenn hissed from behind them.

"He betrayed us. We're lucky they survived the night without our help, especially if Negan was there. Fuck Gregory. We don't have time for being humane."

"A fucking men," Abraham agreed, causing Jesus to sigh.

"Well, the Hilltop will handle it our own way."

"You better. That man screws us again and I'll handle it," Rick snapped as they entered the war room.

"Who's in charge then? Kal?" Carol asked Jesus smiled, despite himself, motioning to Abe.

"One of Abe's friends, actually… she really saved us last night. Almost got Negan, if Gregory hadn't've interfered."

"You left a stranger in charge of Hilltop a day after they arrive? No offense," Rick added, waving lightly in Abraham's direction. "But your timing's pretty convenient to help stop a surprise attack."

Abraham crossed his arms across his chest, making note of the suspicion in his hosts' eyes.

"We're not a part of those Saviors."

"So you say."

Jesus stepped forward, placing himself between the two glaring men. "Rick, look, I know things are bad right now, but there's no way they're Saviors," he insisted. "If they wanted us dead, we'd be dead, trust me. They're dangerous enough."

"We don't know them," Rick shot back. "The Hilltop may have been a diversion to install a spy-"

Abraham snorted. "You sound paranoid."

Rick's face twisted and he stepped towards the redhead. "Fuck you-"

"Rick!"

Glenn and Shane blocked Rick from going further.

"Look, Rick, Gregory's on me, and I accept that," the Hilltop member began just as Ezekiel and Jerry arrived in the room. "But I trust these people, so you're gonna have to trust me on this. Just like I trusted you after we found each other," he added pointedly. "I wouldn't have brought Abraham here if I didn't and Michonne's perfectly capable of the job. I trust her and the people at Hilltop trust her."

"Michonne?" Shane repeated, catching Rick's head tilt. His face went blank.

"Yeah, Michonne."

"Your leader's name is Michonne? You're sure?"

Abraham snorted. "Yeah. Why?"

Shane glanced over at Rick, who chuckled and shook his head.

"Nothing, no reason," Rick muttered, more to himself than anyone in the room.

There was no way. Michonne was not common name, but there was no possible way… it had to be another woman, there was absolutely no possible way…

 _No… no, no, no, no, no… was it possible? Could she… How could she? It wasn't possible._

He was overthinking, he needed to calm down. He took a deep breath.

"Where did y'all come from?" Shane asked Abraham directly, sensing Rick's momentary lapse. _It couldn't hurt to check. Michonne's not a common name_ , he thought to himself, somewhat disbelievingly. There was no way-

"Georgia. We were near Atlanta when it all started. Made the decision to move north."

Shane couldn't think. Rick trembled.

"What's her last name?"

"Thomas, I think- Whoa!"

Rick lunged forward before anyone could stop him, grabbing hold of Abraham's collar and shaking him.

"Black woman, dreadlocks by her shoulders, brown eyes, five foot seven," Rick listed, sweat beading all over his face. "Tell me!"

Abraham shoved Rick off, shocked by the accurate description of Michonne. In fact, if he thought about it, the man before him seemed to match the description Sasha had given him of the mysterious man in Michonne's dreams.

"Who the hell are you?"

"I'm her husband," Rick shot back, growing angrier by the second. He needed to know. "Is it… is that what she looks like?"

Abraham simply nodded and Rick gasped, his eyes watering as he wobbled before them. His skin tingled, chest tightened, the world disappeared around him.

 _Michonne…_

"Rick," Shane attempted, placing a tentative hand on the man's shoulder. "Rick-"

He looked up, a smile slowly splitting his face and a wave of euphoria cascaded over him.

"It's Michonne."

"Rick!"

"RICK!"

"RICK! RICK!" Shane took off after him, followed by the others as they struggled to keep up with the grinning man headed for the exit. "RICK!

* * *

After a couple of hours of working on the road blocks, Michonne was finally convinced to go see Dr. Carson and rest, her bloody appearance becoming more unsettling for some Hilltop members, despite their appreciation for her help. Reluctantly she saw the doctor and was relieved to find she was bite free, despite her brief submersion under the walker pile. The man pulled a few pieces of shrapnel from her back and legs, but once she was released she was provided a room in Barrington house where she took a long shower for the first time in months.

Stepping out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel, she felt clean yet utterly exhausted. It had taken all of her power not to fall asleep in the shower, but now, despite her desire to continue helping the effort, even she had to recognize she was of no use.

Ignoring the clean clothes on the bed, she moved over to the window and peered outside. The urgency of rebuilding was still high as the grounds were slowly cleared and the gate repaired. Michonne watched as Hilltop members helped each other, encouraged each other, and she smiled, that feeling of relief from last night still keeping her warm.

"Michonne?"

She turned at the knock and left the window. "Come in."

Ryan opened the door, holding Judith in one hand and a basket in the other. He blushed as she approached him, but she merely took her child, who welcomed the exchange.

"She was getting fussy," he explained, setting the basket down on the vanity as she cooed over the little girl.

"She looks so much better, doesn't she?"

"Dr. Carson said she should come back for a checkup once they've dealt with other injured."

"What about the ones who were bit?"

"He managed to amputate for a couple, but they lost four people to that walker bomb or whatever it was… eight total dead."

Michonne nodded solemnly, the fight last night reminding her of the first days of the turn and the overrun camps.

"How are you feeling?"

"Clean." She winced when Judith squeezed her and Ryan gently took the child back, motioning towards the bed.

"You're lucky it wasn't worse. Tyrese told me about the grenade, you should be lying down."

"I will… what's in the basket?"

He smiled. "A thank you after last night. You're quite the hero down there," he explained, sitting Judith down on the bed next to Michonne's clothes. "You really are amazing."

Her cheeks warmed under his admiring gaze as she fiddled with Judith's frock. "This place is amazing. I never thought we'd find something like this."

"It's no paradise."

"It's better than being out there," she responded quickly. "We couldn't have stayed out there much longer."

Ryan shrugged. "You're probably right."

"I am right."

He grinned and nudged her playfully. "I know."

They stared at each other for a moment before Judith tugged on Michonne's towel impatiently.

"Mommy," she whimpered and Michonne sighed.

"Sounds like someone needs a nap."

She yawned and he snorted.

"Yeah, it does." He gave her and Judith a quick kiss on the forehead before he headed for the door. "I'll go check on Andre. Get some rest."

"Thank you," she called and he nodded, glancing over her once more before leaving. Changing quickly, Michonne got in bed and gathered Judith up with her. She messed with the clock on the nightstand, giving herself twenty minutes. Just as her head rested on the pillow she heard his voice.

"Papa," Judith grumbled into Michonne's chest and she frowned.

"You heard that too?"

She heard it again, muffled through the windows, but it was definitely the cowboy's voice along with some she recognized. Getting up, ensured Judith was resting safely on the bed before going to the window to see Sasha, Abraham, and Tyrese blocking someone from getting into the historical home. Another group was racing up the hill. The selfish part of her wanted to ignore it and return to bed, her legs screaming with exhaustion, but the figure her people were arguing with stopped her.

"I know you," she whispered, leaning closer to see if she could get a better look. The dark brown curls, the eyes... "I know you."

"Get out of my way-"

"PAPA!"

Andre's scream shattered her whatever remnant of restraint was left in the growing crowd below and as guns were drawn and the yelling commenced, Michonne bolted out of the room.

* * *

"Sasha, you need a break?" Anthony called up. "You've been working since you got here, take a rest!"

Sasha was about to disagree when she saw Tyrese waving for her to join him. Sighing, she shouldered her rifle and climbed down the guard post, reluctantly thanking Anthony before she hurried to meet her brother.

"You're gonna miss something if you just stay up there all the time, especially after the shift you pulled on the tractor." He handed her water and a protein bar. "Take a break."

"Thanks… where's Michonne?"

"Upstairs, resting," he replied pointedly. "They got us rooms in the house when you're ready. They have showers and everything."

The thought of a warm shower made Sasha smile. "After we're done with the gate."

"You just wanna wait for Abe," Tyrese observed knowingly and she blushed.

"I just want to make sure he comes back… it's been a while."

"You think we can trust them?"

Sasha nodded, motioning to an older black woman by the stables. "I've been talking to May over there. She told me about this place, about Gregory, about the whole Negan situation. It's insane, but these people are just trying to build some sort of civilization again. They're fighting for everything, Ty."

"What's insane is that even after the turn, there are people out there still trying to hurt other people."

"We ran into assholes on the road."

"Yeah, but… not like this, Sasha. Those people," he shrugged. "Regardless of their methods, it was obvious it was for survival, you know? They needed food, they needed supplies, but this… if what Jesus says about Negan and the Saviors is true, this isn't some sort of survival thing, it's worse, because it's just for the sake of control when they could just as easily cooperate like Hilltop does with those other two places."

Sasha watched her brother struggle with the idea and smiled to herself. It warmed her heart to know that despite what they had endured, he had not changed.

A commotion at the gate drew their attention. The box truck was being moved and Sasha hoped it was Abraham and Jesus, but the moment an opening appeared, a strange man darted through, looking around wildly as he made his way up the hill.

"Michonne! Michonne!"

Sasha and Tyrese were instantly on alert, moving slowly to block his path just as Jesus, Abraham, and several others came through the gate as well.

"Michonne!"

"Rick, wait!" Shane yelled, finally catching up to his friend. They had been forced to take separate vehicles back to Hilltop after Rick left without warning. During the trip back, Abraham explained the very basics of Michonne's condition and what was about to be an incredibly emotional reunion.

Shane needed to get to Rick before he reached Michonne. "Rick, we need to talk-"

"Where's Michonne?" Rick demanded, noting the unfamiliar Williams siblings immediately. "Where is she?"

"Who the hell are you?" Sasha retorted.

Rick pointed to Barrington House. "Is she in there? Michonne? MICHONNE!"

"Sasha!" Abraham ran up and began whispering into her ear while they blocked his way up.

Rick's face twitched and his hand fell to his Colt Python threateningly, causing Sasha to get a better grip of her rifle.

"Get out of my way," he growled, but Shane stepped in front of him.

"Rick, Michonne may not remember-"

"Get out of my way-"

"She has amnesia!"

"What?"

"PAPA!"

Everyone jolted and within a split second guns were raised as Andre toppled out of the house and face planted on the porch, screaming 'papa' as he struggled to stand back up.

"Andre!" Rick bolted towards the boy and immediately Sasha, Tyrese, and Abraham had their weapons pointed at him.

"Back the fuck up," Abraham ordered while Shane, Glenn, and Carol pulled their guns just as Ryan stepped out and scooped up the hysterical child.

"Woah! Woah!" Jesus rushed into the fray, holding up hands for both sides. "Put down your guns!"

"No fucking way," Shane gasped. "Rick…"

Seemingly unaware of anything but Andre, Rick took another step towards the house.

 _How… Andre-_

"Stay back!" Tyrese pleaded as they all tried to figure out what was going on.

Realizing his position, Rick raised his hands, motioning to the boy. "That, that's my son, Andre, that's my son!"

"Papa! Papa!" Andre squealed, fighting to get out of Ryan's grip. "Let go! It's Papa! Papa!"

Fighting against every burning instinct in him to tear the man apart, Rick remained still. They were clearly protective of the child and he was not about to start a fight in front of his son.

"Jesus, Rick, it's him," Shane muttered as Andre continued to grunt and wriggle in Ryan's grasp.

"Let me go! Papa!"

Rick took a step forward and once again guns were flashed, grinding things to a halt, but this time Sasha was the one to jump in.

"Wait! Wait!"

"Sasha-"

She glanced up at Abraham for reassurance. " _Wait_ ," she hissed. "Just wait… Ryan, give Andre to me."

"Sasha-"

"Now," Abraham growled and Ryan frowned, unsure of what was going on and how things had suddenly changed. He transferred the crying child over to his friend, but kept his eye on Rick while she cradled the boy. "Andre, who is that?"

"Papa," he groaned, shoving Sasha away from him. "Papa!"

As impossible as it was, Sasha could not think of any other explanation for what was happening and despite the tense standoff, her instincts were telling her to trust the child. Besides, Abraham was right, Rick did look like the man Michonne had described to her on several times.

"Lower your guns," she ordered, catching Rick's eyes. "All of you."

It took a moment before everyone in the group lowered their weapons. Satisfied with the response, Sasha approached Rick carefully.

"Thank you," Rick wept, tenderly taking Andre in his arms, tears streaming silently down his face as he fell to his knees. Instantly Andre burst into tears, clinging to Rick with all his might as Shane kneeled next to them, opening and closing his mouth several times; unable to find the right words to say to his friend.

"Where were you, Papa? Where did you go?" Andre sobbed and Rick simply held him tighter.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know! I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so so sorry, I thought… I missed you so much," he looked up. "Where's mommy? Is Judith…" His heart stopped. "Michonne."

They all turned to see her standing at the entrance to Barrington House, a myriad of emotions flashing across her face.

"Andre…" _Am I dreaming_ , she thought instead, immediately unsure of herself. Her chest hurt, her heart raced, she wanted to run, scream, wake up, yet under those piercing blue eyes she froze.

It was impossible. Or improbable. There was no way, no possible way, how could he be there? He didn't exist, up until ten seconds ago he was merely a dream, how-

He called her name again, standing up and drawing more attention to her appearance. There were tears in his eyes. Joy. Excitement. Love. Desire. Guilt. Pain. She saw it all.

His voice beckoned her, but she hesitated, her mind refusing to accept what she was seeing before her.

He was real.

He was here.

Rick stepped up to the porch and she moved away from the door, silently drowning in hope that this was real, terrified that it was a dream. The entire world spun around them as he finally reached her, and suddenly mere inches away from his wife, his lover, his partner, the mother of his children he could not breathe. There was something strange about the way she looked at him, hesitated, the lack of recognition in her eyes…

 _Please, please, please, please, please-_

"Michonne-"

"You're here," she cried so only he could hear. She reached out and took his face, gasping as if just now realizing that he was real. Rick nearly dropped to his knees under her touch, his heart swelled and he smiled in relief as tears filled her eyes. "Who are you?"


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Wow, it has been a crazy few months and this chapter is WAAAAAAAAAY overdue. I appreciate all of the readers who have stuck with me through this hiatus! Y'all are amazing! I've been picking away at this chapter for a while, but it was time to put it out there, so I hope you like it. Please enjoy!**

* * *

"Who are you?"

Those words bounced around Rick's mind like an echo chamber, yet he could not wrap his head around their meaning.

She was right there, his wife, his best friend, the mother of his children…

His wife…

"Michonne-"

"Mommy, Papa's here!" Andre squealed obliviously, yanking happily on Rick's coat. "Papa's here!"

Michonne's eyes widened slightly, the room spun, her mouth was dry.

"Give him to me," she quietly ordered in a tone Rick did not recognize. She barely recognized it.

Beads of sweat formed on her face and her skin flushed.

Everything felt wrong...

"Michonne, what hap-"

"Give me my son, now."

 _She has amnesia!_

Shane's words finally clicked and once again, Rick found it difficult to breathe.

 _She doesn't know who you are… she doesn't know who you are… she doesn't know who you are-_

"Mommy, look!" Andre giggled, pulling on Rick's beard. "Mommy, look at Papa!"

Michonne gasped, attempting to reconcile her son's words with her own ignorance. Her mind fired away with conflicting thoughts, fear and anticipation coursed through her body, she could barely think straight. She wanted to move, but her legs anchored themselves to the wood floor, leaving her spiraling.

"Andre," she began, looking away from Rick's piercing gaze. If she looked at him any longer, she wasn't completely sure what she would do. "Andre, this is… this is Papa?"

"Of course," the boy responded just as Sasha, Shane, Abraham, and Jesus walked in.

"You don't remember me."

His eyes caught hers, haunting her dreams with warmth, love, desire, and agony as realization finally dawned. It was the most painful thing to see and she suddenly felt nauseous.

"You weren't there," she muttered so only he could hear.

It would have been better to pierce him with her katana.

Sasha came over. "Maybe we should take this into another room," she suggested, noticing other Hilltopers coming out to investigate.

"I couldn't find you," Rick whispered, ignoring Sasha completely. "Michonne, I looked… They kept moving you, I couldn't find you or Andre or Judith… Jesus Christ, where's Judith?!"

Michonne's eyes flickered up and Rick instinctively moved towards the stairs, but Ryan moved to block his path, which only provoked Shane to get involved.

"Hey, back off!"

Shane intercepted him, hand on his throat and a knife in the other. "You better watch yourself, asshole."

Instantly the foyer was filled with drawn weapons and shouted pleas to calm down. Jesus and Tyrese attempted to pull the men apart while Daryl and Abraham threatened each other with a drawn pistol and crossbow. Andre cried. Sasha moved to help.

Among the chaos, Michonne's heart raced and her vision blurred. Her legs wobbled. The room spun.

From upstairs, Judith's wails pierced through the fray.

"ENOUGH!"

The room stilled, all eyes on Michonne.

With a shaky voice, she gathered herself with a deep breath. "Rick, could you please wait in the library?"

When he did not immediately move, their eyes met and she forced herself to ignore the fluttering in her stomach. Steeling herself, Michonne motioned to the library. "We need to talk privately."

There was a strange formality in her voice that took Rick back to the day they met, back when he was just a sheriff and she was just a lawyer. Back when he was a stranger to her…

Judith wailed and Michonne winced.

Rick wanted desperately to go upstairs, but as if in a bid to confirm in the most painful way possible just how much of a stranger he was to her, Michonne reached out for Andre.

"My son."

This can't be real…

"Michonne-" He stopped, catching Sasha's alarmed shake of the head before the woman sidled up to Michonne and whispered something in the woman's ear. Michonne's eyes widened, Sasha nodded towards the stairs.

"I'm… I'm going to go get her," Michonne disappeared, leaving Rick stranded.

"Did you really look for her?"

The searing rage that flashed through Rick's eyes took Sasha by surprise before Andre tugged on his father's shirt, sniffling.

"Papa, don't leave again," he whispered into Rick's shirt. "Please don't leave again."

Rick wept.

* * *

After returning order to the manor, Sasha looked for Michonne, who was gone much longer than expected to take care of Judith.

"Michonne?"

She quietly entered the room and sat down beside her friend, observing the woman quietly as she rocked Judith back and forth. Tearstains marked Michonne's cheeks. Her eyes were red, puffy. Detached.

Sasha touched her arm.

"Oh… hey, Sasha." Michonne looked around. "Where's Andre?"

"The library, with his father," she answered carefully. "Ryan and Tyrese are with them."

Michonne looked down at Judith. "His father…" She gasped and looked around frantically. "Sasha, that's what Andre called him… Papa." Running her fingers over her child's hair and tiny features, she saw him… saw him clearly in Judith's face. "He's their father, Sasha. He's real…"

A silent nod brought tears to Michonne's eyes. Sasha embraced her quickly, rocking back and forth.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be… Andre cried. I honestly don't think I've seen a grown man cry as much as cowboy did," Sasha muttered. "Hell, I even cried."

"Sasha."

"Sorry, I did… this is like one of those stupid Lifetime movies."

Michonne nudged her friend. "Sasha!"

Offering an apologetic smile, Sasha kissed her friend's brow. "Sorry…"

Taking a deep breath, Michonne wiped her face and tried to clear her head. "He's down there now?"

"Yeah… he's doing pretty well with Andre too." Michonne raised an eyebrow and Sasha shrugged. "He's doing great, actually, but considering how emotional that was, I'm trying not to give him too much credit just yet." Michonne's eyes wandered to the door and Sasha took her shoulders. "Hey, look at me… you don't have to do this now. I gave them the broad strokes, mostly to keep him at bay… if you need time to gather your thoughts, take it. He's not going anywhere. Not anymore."

Michonne shook her head, shifting Judith around in her arms. "No… I need… I need answers, Sasha… I've been dreaming about this man for God knows how long, and now he's here, he exists, _he's real_ , Sasha… _he's real_ … and I deserve answers."

Sensing her friend's hesitation, Sasha recalled the exchanged looks in the foyer and the immediate intimacy that was hard to decipher, borne beyond simple dreams. Sasha knew this could cause problems if they were not careful.

"Michonne, look at me… I'm with you, no matter how this turns out, I'm with you. When you're ready, we're gonna go down there and get answers… we're hopefully gonna find out who that man is and who you were before all of this started. And while I will admit that his reunion with Andre was a beautiful thing to witness, I've also seen how taken Andre is with Abraham and must remind you that your son is a notoriously terrible judge of character so…"

Michonne released a watery laugh and rolled her eyes, feeling some of the tension fade. "You're ridiculous…"

"Yeah, maybe…" Sasha's face became serious. "Michonne… of all the things we don't know about who you were before all of this, and of all the things we've pieced together from your ID and Andre, the one thing we know for sure is that you and him weren't together when the world fell apart."

"Are you saying I shouldn't trust him?"

Sasha shook her head quickly. "No!" Biting her lip, she glanced over at the door and lowered her voice. "No, that's not what I'm saying… what I am saying is that you had crazy sexy dreams about a man we weren't even sure existed until a few hours ago and now he's out there being 'Daddy of the Year' and… well, it'd be impossible if it weren't happening before my eyes."

"What are you trying to say, Sasha?"

Michonne sensed her friend's apprehension, mirroring the tiny nagging feeling in the back of her mind.

"What I'm trying to say is… I saw the way he looked at you and the way you looked at him." Michonne blushed, confirming Sasha's assumptions. "All you know of this man is from those dreams."

"And Andre."

"Andre's three and he liked Derek the first time he met him. Seriously, Michonne, he's not best judge of character," Sasha pointed out with a tiny smile before she sighed. "What if you're only recalling the good memories? What if there's a reason you weren't with him?" Sasha seemed to be struggling with the hint of skepticism she had introduced. A hint of doubt. "I just want us to be careful and deliberate until you..."

"Until I get my memory back?"

"No, because that may never happen," Sasha responded bluntly. "I meant until you're sure… this can't be easy, having an intimate history with a man you don't remember… having children with a man you don't remember, especially given the last few months… You held back from Ryan because I think some part of you _hoped_ , against all odds, that something like this would happen. But now that we're here you have to actually deal with this and I just…" Taking Michonne's hand, Sasha took a deep breath. "I like this place, Michonne… this is the most stable situation we've had since the world ended and that's accounting for this whole Negan situation. There are other communities working together and this whole thing with Rick… I just want to be careful."

Michonne smiled, understanding her friend's reservations. Pulling Sasha into a hug, she released the rest of the tension she was holding.

"Thank you… I love you."

Sasha's hold tightened. "I love you too."

"Also, I don't want to talk about the dreams… not yet… they may be memories, but… I suppose there's also a possibility that they're just dreams."

Sasha snorted. "Yeah, but considering how much more attractive he is than you led me to believe, wouldn't it be great if they weren't."

"Sasha!"

"Sorry." They released each other and Sasha stood up, motioning to the door. "I'll go check on them. You take your time-"

"No," Michonne stood up with Judith. "I should go out there. I _need_ to go out there."

They stopped at the door and Sasha paused. She went back to the bed and grabbed Michonne's katana, handing it over to her friend. "You ready to do this?"

Michonne kept her eyes forward, securing the katana to her back. "Don't leave my side."

"Never."

When they reached the library the door was ajar so Michonne peered through to see Abraham and Ryan standing on the far wall of the library near the windows. Andre played by the coffee table and Rick sat on the floor with him, his back to her. They were coloring and Andre seemed to be three hours into the story of how they had all arrived at the Hilltop.

As she came through the door, she caught sight of Shane at the desk, speaking with Tyrese and Glenn. He was the first to see her.

"Rick." He inclined his head towards her and the man turned, standing quickly when he saw her. They stared at each other, briefly lost again in a strange moment of momentary recognition.

"PAPA!" Judith screeched. "Papa!"

Before anyone could stop him, Rick was at Michonne's side, cupping Judith's face to calm the baby as she reached out for him. Without thinking, Michonne relinquished her daughter into his arms, watching in amazement when Judith immediately fell quiet, clinging to Rick as if her life depended on it.

"Oh, look at you," he gasped. "Look how big you've gotten."

"Papa," Judith murmured, tugging on his beard. "Papa!"

"Hey baby," Rick cooed. "Oh honey, I've missed you so much, oh God, I'm so sorry."

"Papa," Michonne repeated slowly, still trying to comprehend her children's response to this man. She stared into his eyes, those beautiful blue eyes that warmed her body and she almost laughed. Sasha was right. She needed to be careful. The real thing was more powerful than the dream.

He started to reach for her but stopped himself, clearly unsure now of how to address her. "I… are you okay?"

Taken aback by his question, she nodded slowly. "Yeah… I'm okay."

 _She's lying,_ he thought.

"Hi Mommy," Andre waved from the table, pointing to Shane. "Look, Uncle Shane is here too!"

Michonne looked up at the man, surprised that her child recognized another person. "Uncle Shane?"

"Shane… I'm Shane." He seemed uncomfortable as well and she glanced over at Sasha, suddenly unsure of herself.

"Um… okay, well…" She glanced over at Abraham and Ryan. "Would you two give us a moment?"

Ryan frowned and came over to her, a little too close for Rick's liking.

"Michonne, we should probably stay," he suggested, looking over her face with worry. Perhaps a little jealousy. "Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

Placing a hand on his arm, she offered him and Abraham a smile. "I'm fine, really. I just need some time, to figure this out," she replied, somewhat apologetically. "Please."

Ryan's eyes darkened, but he acquiesced, shooting a strange look in Rick's direction that only Shane caught before he and Abraham left.

To avoid an awkward silence, Michonne decided it was best to just jump in. "So… Rick Thomas, you-"

"Grimes," Shane corrected as Rick sat down on the couch next to Andre.

"What?"

"Rick Grimes…" Shane motioned to Michonne. "Your last name is Thomas."

"Really?"

"You kept your name," Rick finally added, scooting forward on the couch and placing a hand on Andre's head. "What hap…" He stopped himself from asking that question again. He aggravated Sasha with it nonstop while they waited for Michonne. As crazy as this all was, he needed to remain calm. There was no way to force the answers he wanted out of her. Sasha made that perfectly clear with both of them. Michonne simply did not remember…

"Did you looked for me?" Michonne's voice cut through his soul and tears filled his eyes.

"Every single day," his voice choked and she knew instantly her question devastated him. A small part of her wished she could take it back.

"For months," Shane added before Sasha shot him a threatening look to be quiet. This was Rick and Michonne's moment. They were just there for support and protection.

"Then what happened?" she asked, causing his heart to skip. As ready as she had been to address this methodically, the moment she was across from him her mind vomited question after question, demanding answers to fill the massive void in her memory. Her heart raced, but this time she did not feel weak. She felt energized, stronger under his gaze… angrier… "I don't remember my life before this… I don't remember you, I don't remember them before." She motioned to the children. "They would ask for you _every day_ …" Rick closed his eyes and bowed his head in shame. "What happened?"

The room fell silent for a few seconds as Michonne tried to sort out where she was trying to go and Rick struggled to keep it together.

"You were with Mike," he whispered and Michonne froze.

Mike.

 _Mike stop, please…_

Michonne frowned. "Andre's father?"

Rick and Shane looked alarmed. "You remember him?"

Michonne shook her head, realizing how she sounded. "No… no, Andre would just mention Papa and Daddy…" Her eyes met Rick's. "It took me a while to figure out he meant two people."

Andre tugged on Rick's jeans. "Is Daddy gonna be here too? Mommy said he was sleeping."

The two men paled.

"You know what happened to him," Michonne accused and Rick shook his head.

"Yes." His breathing was labored and Michonne could tell this was painful. Sasha's doubts about him were beginning to melt away. "I don't know everything…"

"Maybe we shouldn't talk about this in front of the kids," Shane suggested but Michonne was too far down this track to pull back. She needed an answer and she knew he would give it to her. He looked like a man ready to lie down and give her the world if she demanded it.

"No, tell me," she murmured, drawing Rick's eyes to hers.

His chest constricted painfully. He wanted his wife back.

"Michonne." Her heart fluttered when he said her name but she remained firm and held his gaze. She needed the truth and he was desperate to give it to her. "It was Mike's weekend to have Andre, so you went down there with him and Judith… Mike got bit so you stayed with him." Rick fiddled with a strand of Andre's hair, recalling the confusion and unbelievably ignorant actions they had all taken in those first few days of the turn. "We didn't know… things were getting worse, but you and I, we didn't know. If I had known what was about to happen, I would have…" He stopped himself, realizing this was not the stance he needed to take. "I got a call from you… you told me you put him down," he whispered, trying not to get too graphic in front of the children.

Sasha glanced over at Michonne but remained silent. Their assumptions had been correct.

"You wanted to stay, wait for the police, but Atlanta was getting worse. It was getting so bad, you had to leave…" Rick's eyes glazed over as the memory of her screams, of Judith and Andre's screams returned to him. He reached out and touched Andre's shoulder, assuring himself that his child was alive. That this was all real. "One of the neighbors tried to stop you and…"

Rick lowered his head as numerous emotions crashed over him. Shane placed a hand on his back before looking over at the women.

"The last thing we heard was you getting in the car and shots fired," he explained quietly. "Line went dead and when we finally found the car, you and the kids were gone. We traced you as far as the camp outside of Alpharetta."

"Where Derek died," Sasha muttered. "That camp was overrun…" She and Michonne exchanged glances.

He searched for her for over seven months… Michonne shifted uncomfortably. How close had he been to finding her? If they had remained close instead of leaving, could they have found each other sooner?

"We lost the trail," Shane added, catching Michonne's eyes. "Rick wanted to keep looking, but I-"

"Shane." All eyes fell on Rick as he continued to keep his head down, still struggling. He should be overjoyed… he should be grateful, yet all he managed was overwhelming guilt for not being there with her, for not finding her, and for being angry that she could not remember who he was, which only added to the guilt…

He wanted to scream.

Finally he looked up and met Michonne's gaze.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry, Michonne, I should have-"

"Rick! RICK!"

Daryl barreled through the door, followed closely by Jesus, Ryan, and Abraham.

"Ain't the best time," Shane growled, moving to stop them all, but Daryl waved around a two-way radio.

"Move, man, it's Negan," Daryl grunted, handing it over to Rick. "He wants to talk."

"Is he here?" Michonne demanded of Jesus, who shook his head.

"I've got the walls covered, he's not here-"

 _ **Crossbow, what's taking so long?**_

The room stilled at the sound of Negan's voice. Rick's entire demeanor changed, his eyes hardened.

"I'm here," he answered.

 _ **Ah, Rick. I've been wantin' to talk to you. It appears you've been holding out on me.**_

"I don't know what you're talking about."

 _ **First Jesus Christ Superstar steals my children. Abraham snorted, earning him several glares from around the room. Then you turn one of my very own against me…** _ Daryl perked up at that, exchanging glances with Shane and Jesus. _**And now I find out you got a fucking ninja in your midst.**_

"Oh, he said a bad word!" Andre yelped and Michonne quickly scooped him up while Sasha grabbed Judith, taking them out of the room.

"Mommy!" Andre complained. "I wanna be with Papa!"

"Honey, I don't want you hearing that. It's okay, I'll take you to our room."

"Mommy!"

"No, we're gonna go upstairs," Sasha responded, grabbing Andre's hand before looking up at Michonne. "Go, I'll watch them."

Michonne frowned. "No, I can't-"

"Michonne, go!" Sasha barked, pointing back at the door. "You need to be in there."

"FUCK!"

Michonne rushed back into the office where Daryl and Shane were arguing over someone named Dwight. Rick looked ready to kill. The sight sent a chill down her spine.

"What happened?"

"Negan's kidnapped three people from Alexandria-"

"I told them to stay put!" Rick roared. "I told them-"

"Rick, that's not important right now," Shane snapped, having noted Michonne's alarmed expression. It would do his friend no good to scare her.

"He has Dwight too," Daryl pointed out.

Shane shot him an annoyed glare. "We need to figure out how to get our people back first."

"After all he did to help us-"

"Shut up, Daryl, that asshat was there for the first line up, I ain't about to throw him a fuckin' parade just because he suddenly decided to snitch."

"Don't talk to me-"

"Who was taken?" Michonne interjected pointedly, glancing over at Abraham in exasperation.

"Two men, one girl, Enid, Tobin, Aaron," Shane answered, eyes still on Daryl.

"I thought all of the communities had been locked down?"

"Yeah, well, it's not a surprise with Enid, considering what happened to Carl, man I told you she wouldn't stay at the Kingdom… apparently the Saviors were watching and snatched them."

"I told them to stay put!"

Shane snorted. "Yeah, well you didn't exactly stay put when you heard about…" He drifted off under Rick's withering glare.

"Well where are they? We have to get them back," Michonne insisted, coming over to take hold of Rick's arm. "What else did Negan say?"

As tumultuous as everything seemed, as soon as she touched him, Rick breathed, his mind focusing, however barely, on the situation at hand.

Michonne, the children, her memory, all of that would have to wait…

They needed to get his people back. She wanted to help.

"He wants to meet. There's a small town a few miles down the road with a sawmill. He wants an exchange."

"Exchange?"

"Those three for you and me," Jesus piped up, motioning them over to the desk where he examined a map. "Apparently we both made a huge impression yesterday."

"That's not gonna happen," Rick growled and she caught his gaze. "I'm not gonna let that happen."

"Does he think you'll honestly do that though?" Abraham demanded. "Just turn yourselves over?"

Jesus shifted. "No… we have no intention of turning ourselves over, but-"

"We're not gonna leave people behind," Michonne finished, glancing over at Rick. "You have a plan?"

"Yeah, get our people back."

A strange look crossed Michonne's face, as if for the briefest of moments she recognized the man before her. Just as quickly it vanished when she withdrew her hand from him, hurrying to stand next to Jesus and distance herself from the conflicting emotions he continued to flood her with.

"Here," Jesus pointed to a small intersection in the middle of a town. "Negan wants to meet here in one hour."

"What exactly did he say?" she asked, aware of Rick's presence moving to her side. "What did he want?"

"Not much, just that he wanted you two in return for Tobin, Enid, and Eugene. Wants to find a way to conclude this war," Shane muttered and Michonne stood straighter.

"A way to end the war? With us?"

"He's lyin'," Daryl told her.

"But he has your people… and your other friend," she pointed out, remembering the argument earlier. "If he wants to end this-"

"He killed Hershel and Deanna," Rick cut in, meeting her eyes. "Bashed their heads in with a goddamned smile on his face… the only way this is over is when Negan is dead."

They stared at each other, a mutual understanding of the road ahead forming between them.

For Rick, it was strange… he knew her, recognized her, but there was a glint in her eyes that came from months of pain he was removed from… a part of her life he would never know…

For Michonne, it was nerve wracking to feel such familiarity with a stranger…

Coughing, Abraham turned the map in his direction. "Five roads in, surrounded by woods… how many tall buildings?"

"Seven, eight maybe?"

Ryan snorted. "It's obviously a trap, Jesus Christ, you're not actually thinking of going?"

Rick's eyes narrowed. "Those are my people-"

"Oh yes, so let's just walk Michonne into a fucking trap-"

"Shut up!" Michonne snapped, waving Abraham over. "Abe, this here… this is the sawmill, right?"

"Michonne, you cannot possibly-"

Pulling Ryan and Abraham into a corner, she took a deep breath. "Ryan, we need to get them back," she whispered, looking up at the man.

"You saw what happened last night, Michonne. This isn't our fight."

"If you're scared-"

"I'm not scared," he snapped. "I worried… we've been on the road for months, you've barely slept, you're exhausted-"

"Ryan-"

"Don't deny it, I know you haven't been sleeping." When she didn't respond, he sighed, glancing over at Rick and the others. "Look… I know what's happening and I'm not… A lot's happened in the last couple of days, it's not a good idea to just go out into a warzone completely unprepared."

Touched by his concern, she squeezed his hand quickly. "It'll be okay. I think I have a plan."

"You think?" Shane muttered, recognizing the wheels turning in her mind, but also unnerved by how close she and Ryan were.

With a hand on hip, she matched his gaze.

"Yes… I have a plan." Taking a shaky breath, she pointed to the map. "We're gonna do the exchange." Instantly, Rick and Ryan objected, but she ignored them. "How long does it take to get there?"

"Forty minute drive."

"Good, then we leave in twenty minutes."

Ryan reached out for her hand. "Michonne-"

"Ryan," she eased out of his grip, painfully aware of Rick and Shane's eyes on her. "Do you remember those Scavengers we ran into on the road a couple months back? When they trapped us in that warehouse?"

Frowning, he nodded. "Yeah, I remember."

"Good… I need you to explain to them what we did cause we're gonna do it again…" She glanced over at Rick. "I'm gonna go get Sasha."

Rick watched her leave, staring at the office door for what seemed like forever. When he started to walk after her, Ryan moved to stop him but Shane blocked his path, allowing his friend to slip away.

"You and I are gonna have a problem," Shane snarled.

"Try it," Abraham grunted, drawing Jesus to step between them.

"Enough, we're all on the same side," Jesus interceded. "Let's get this figured out!"

Shane waited until Ryan reluctantly backed away before he returned to the desk. He caught the obvious looks Ryan shot for the door, but said nothing of it. This was not the time to address that issue.

"Yeah… let's do that."

* * *

"I'm surprised you're not trying to stop me," Michonne whispered as she stood at the door of the bedroom with Sasha, watching Andre and Judith play on the bed.

"Why would I try to stop you? You've got a plan, this is important to you, I'm in."

"Good… I'm gonna put them down for a nap, I'll meet you down stairs."

Sasha rubbed her back. "Are you okay? I mean, after all this, how are you?"

Michonne shook her head. "I can't… I can't think about that until we get those people back. They're important to them and as a leader here, I can't just not do anything. It's important to them, it's important to him…" Her lip trembled and she gripped the door jamb to steady herself.

Sasha frowned. "Michonne, you don't have to do this. That Negan guy couldn't have seen you clearly, I could go. Someone else could go."

"No. I… I need to do this… I need to help."

The determination in her friend's eyes left any argument moot. Instead of continuing, Sasha sighed and nodded, glancing over at the children briefly.

"Fine… Andre, Judith, I'll see you later."

"Bye Auntie Sasha!" Andre called back, waving happily.

"See you in a few."

Michonne waited for her to leave before going over to the bed.

"Hey babies, it's time for bed."

"Awww! Not now!" Andre protested. "Papa needs to tell us a story!"

"Andre-"

"Michonne?"

"Papa!"

The boy scrambled off of the bed, leaping into Rick's arms.

"Hey, buddy," Rick kissed his cheek, still amazed by his child's growth. Michonne observed Rick's tenderness towards the boy, in stark contrast to the rage downstairs after Negan's demands. She wondered if this was a duality that had always existed, something dangerous that she may have experienced…

Catching her watching him, Rick approached the bed slowly, well aware of her apprehension.

"I, um… just wanted to tell them goodbye, before we left," he admitted, ruffling Judith's hair. "God, she's grown so much… she was so small the last time…" His voice hitched. Michonne's heart skipped a beat.

"Papa?"

"Yes?"

"Where's Carl?"

Rick sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling Andre into his lap. "Carl's at Alexandria."

"Why isn't he here?"

"He… he was hurt."

Michonne gasped with Andre.

"How? What happened?!" the boy demanded immediately while Michonne sat down across from him on the bed, jostling Judith as she settled. Rick reached out for her hand, instantly causing her heart to race yet calming her.

"Negan shot him. He's fine, but he won't be able to come here to see you for a while."

"Can we see him? Mommy, let's go see Carl! Mommy, please-"

For some reason, Michonne found herself looking to Rick for help, unable to address this demand in any competent way. Until that moment Carl escaped her thoughts and now shame and uncertainty filled her to the brim.

"Andre, Carl's fine, he's fine," Rick assured, catching her gaze. "It's not safe right now for anyone to leave, that's why Mommy and I have to go…"

"You're leaving?" Andre squeaked and Michonne frowned, recognizing the signs of an oncoming tantrum.

"Baby, it's just a run," she cooed, squeezing his arm comfortingly. "Just like every run I've done before, you remember?"

Andre shook his head, on the verge of tears. "Don't go! Don't go, don't go-"

Rick held him tightly. "Andre, we're both coming back, okay?"

"You were supposed to come back last time!"

Rick's heart shattered as Andre began pushing him away, trying to get out of his arms.

"Andre-"

"No!" Andre cried, flailing desperately. "Don't go! Please don't go!"

"Andre, I'm coming back, I promise-"

"No!"

"Andre, I'm not leaving you anymore-"

"Papa, please!"

"Andre listen to me-"

"NO! I HATE YOU!"

Michonne gasped at the audible sound Andre's tiny fist made when it connected with Rick's arm before she snatched his arm, preventing the child from repeating the action.

"Absolutely not," she hissed, pulling him out of Rick's arms and sitting him forcefully on the bed. "Andre Thomas you will apologize right now."

"Michonne-"

"Rick," she snapped, glaring up at him. "He will apologize." She turned back to Andre. "Now."

"Mommy," Andre stammered, refusing to make eye contact as tears continued to stream down his red face.

"Andre, I know you're upset and I acknowledge your anger, but we do not hit. Apologize now."

Rick watched with a broken heart as the boy mumbled an insincere apology. He wanted to cry himself, unable to fathom what his child had gone through, the pain his absence had clearly inflicted only to sit there unbelievably helpless in comforting the boy. Kneeling down next to Michonne, he attempted to reach out but Andre fell into Michonne's arms, sobbing. The noise only inspired Judith to whimper, on the verge of tears.

"No more Papa! I want Daddy! Where's Daddy?!"

"Andre, your Daddy-"

Michonne stood up. "Don't, you should leave."

"Michonne-"

"Rick, please," she whispered, stepping between him and the children. "You need to leave. Now." Taking a deep breath, she motioned to the door and noticed Tyrese peeking in. "They're waiting for us, so you should go. Andre, Judith, say bye to Papa."

Both children declined to respond and Michonne caught the hurt in Rick's eyes. The desperation, the need to remain being torn by his obligations. Despite her reservations, she reached out for his arm, instantly getting his attention. As pale as he was, his skin burned under his touch but she shoved down the primal feelings resurfacing.

"Rick, please… Tyrese and I will handle it from here and I'll meet you downstairs in a bit, okay?"

For a moment Rick thought of protesting. Every instinct in his body demanded he stay, everything in him knew he had to go, yet he could not move, even as Tyrese came in and helped settle the children.

What was happening?

What life was this?

Michonne was alive. Judith and Andre were alive.

This was the happiest day of his life...

And everything felt wrong…

* * *

 **A/N: Please let me know your thoughts.**


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